I hate to break it to you, dear reader, but after all our efforts, the proud island groups of Kinmen and Matsu are still unclear about their status, as this goodly rag reported on Tuesday.
That’s right. In the latest of a series of muddy symbolic tiffs, the administration of President Marky Mark Ma Ying-jeou (馬英九) is claiming that it has not ceded sovereignty over the territory of Kinmen and Matsu even though it has not existed on Cabinet territorial documents since the 1990s.
I’m not sure that’s going to relieve the folks on those islands of their confused national identity, but ... well, it’s their problem now. And if they are set to join the rest of Fujian Province in Unfree China, then good luck to them. Thanks for all the liquor.
Now that these canaries in the mineshaft are gasping for air and ready to croak, our attention is inevitably drawn to the homeland and how to prepare for the worst.
In a few years from now, Taiwan will face the worst crisis in its modern history. I’m not talking about missiles raining down on modern art museums or amphibious vessels laying waste to night markets; no, I refer to the very real possibility that, when the violence starts, our beloved middle class — the backbone and guardian angel of Taiwan’s economic transformation — will be shocked silly at the prospect of being pistol-whipped by a bunch of thug People’s Liberation Army (PLA) soldiers from deepest, darkest Hunan Province, and that upon seeing the blood-red flag of China planted on our shores, will likely collapse in a heap, flitting between catatonia and mournfully humming tunes from the back catalog of Sylvia Chang (張艾嘉).
Most of us are either of the middle class or wish this were the case, and the fact is that it’s up to us now. This government of Greater China disciples is fulfilling its ideological destiny, so it can’t be relied upon to do the right thing for the nation it represents.
At some point, my well-to-do compatriots — who have raised their boys to tuck in their shirts and their girls to squeal, giggle and clap their hands at the earliest convenience — will need to turn away from their comfy lifestyles, overseas holidays and investment portfolios and embrace radicalism. To get their hands dirty.
Filthy dirty. But first, they need to know what to do.
Here are excerpts from a draft of The Middle Class Militant Cookbook, a work designed for Taiwanese under siege. Under “Action status” are comments by various middle class types who were asked for feedback.
Resistance mode: Direct action (violence)
Description: Spread leaflets and Internet messages warning that any Chinese civilian on Taiwanese soil who advocates invasion or makes light of harm coming to Taiwanese will be publicly identified, assaulted and verbally humiliated by mobile groups of young, anonymous activists collectively known as The Yam Ram. Any Republic of China national or civic group who aids and abets People’s Republic of China nationals to this end will also be sternly dealt with.
Action status: Simply unacceptable. This kind of behavior is reminiscent of street gangs. No dignity whatsoever. There must be another way to express dissatisfaction with unfortunate comments by uninformed folks from across the way.
Resistance mode: Direct action (violence)
Description: If any member of China’s armed forces sets foot on Taiwanese soil in a hostile or propagandist context, a pre-emptive attack on that person(s) should take place as soon as possible. If said person is in Taiwan on any other pretext, constant protests and verbal harassment are optimal.
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