I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Never a good idea, but I tend to get a little pensive during Ghost Month. Must be all that burning ghost money and references to the afterlife that get me reflecting.
Or, put simply, when the Gates of Hell open, it makes a guy think.
Mind you, I don't burn ghost money anymore. My gal Cathy Pacific says I've reached the age where I have to be more careful about what I consume, so she has me on a strict, low-carbon-emission diet.
But I do put out offerings of fruit and beverages and the occasional package of cookies on two separate tables. One for my ancestors, and one for dead Chinese Nationalist Party (KMT) officials so they won't steal my forebears' otherworldly assets.
But this week, I was mostly thinking about all the face Taiwan has been losing lately. I'm a little dense, so I wouldn't always notice if we didn't have politicians with our best interests in mind informing us that Taiwan is losing face faster than Elizabeth Taylor using an industrial-strength skin peel.
Just this week, in a comment on the decision in Chen Che-nan's (
Maybe this is the real reason we're not in the UN.
Chen, a former Presidential Office secretary-general, was found not guilty of misusing power and accepting bribes, but let's go along with Ma's line of thinking for a minute and assume he was guilty.
We could never internationally show our face again, of course, since other democracies have all successfully eradicated corruption.
I just hope our remaining allies don't abandon us if the appeal court overturns the verdict. Either way, how can we, average Taiwanese people, look at ourselves in the mirror from now on just knowing what the case did to our international reputation?
Rip. There goes one layer of skin.
But there have been other embarrassments lately.
Such as Washington's generous invitation to President Chen Shui-bian (
Riiiip. There goes another. Stings, huh?
Then there was UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon's rejection of the president's UN bid. I've never appreciated the KMT more than on this matter, because without the KMT I really wouldn't have known that Chen Shui-bian had brought shame upon our heads. Party spokesman Su Jun-pin (
Riiiiiiip.
All of this may make you crawl under your bed and refuse to come out, but if you're like me -- a little thick-skinned -- you've still got a few layers of losable face to go. That's why I'll do you the favor of listing a few reasons the politicians have missed why Taiwan just doesn't cut it.
1. Kaohsiung is at risk of type-three dengue fever.
This is unacceptable. Would decent politicians anywhere else allow something so disgraceful to come to pass?
2. Our politicians wear too many clothes.
All the real leaders are stripping down. I still can't get that image of Harlequin-romance cover model Vladimir Putin bare-chested in a mountain stream out of my head. Nothing says capacity for control like physical fitness. And let's not forget Nicolas Sarkozy's recent foray in swimming trunks.
So Ma Ying-jeou loses all his Tour de Taiwan points for not showing any nipple. Or maybe he's playing coy and won't show anything unless we elect him (why buy the cow when you can see the nipples for free, as the saying goes).
3. We're just too damn tolerant.
A news snippet over the weekend about a rabbi who was fired after he married a pastor in France made me realize that we are sadly lagging on the religious front.
People get their Buddhist and Daoist beliefs all confused, don't know which temple to use their buabuei at, pray to Confucius (孔子) before taking important tests and throw in an array of local deities for good measure.
This is clearly out of synch with the modern trend (over the past two millennia or so) of drawing clear lines between religions -- a line that ideally should not be crossed -- so that we know who to click our tongues at.
I don't know who to click my tongue at. Do you?
What we need the most is a government-funded campaign to educate people on developing clear religious identities so we can start resenting each other. We should also ban burqas in our schools (even though we don't have any as far as I have seen) and instill a general fear of Muslims. Taiwan as it is now is in a sad state indeed. Try as we do, we never seem to keep up with international developments.
Riiiiiiiiiiip.
Mortified yet? If I had any face left, I would slap it silly.
But lets be honest, folks. Pull your head out of the sand and hold your chin up. Half the stuff that is supposed to be humiliating us isn't even our fault.
Like the US isolating our Scapegoat-in-Chief in Alaska as if he were a Chinese SARS-spreading civet.
But the man isn't rabid. The least the US could have done is let some Hawaiian hula dancers (in Inuit garb) put leis around his neck and give him a souvenir grass skirt.
I refuse to be chagrined just because Washington can't figure out how to treat a fellow democracy in a region that lacks many of them.
Aside from that, even if Taiwan's not perfect, things can't be all that bad. We've always got the Chicoms next door to make us look like saints. And really, aren't we making a mountain out of a molehill?
Ever since US President George W. Bush took up residence on Pennsylvania Avenue, the true meaning of a politician seriously damaging a nation's international reputation has sort of been put in perspective.
I'm feeling better already.
Heard or read something particularly objectionable about Taiwan? Johnny wants to know: dearjohnny@taipeitimes.com is the place to reach me, with "Dear Johnny" in the subject line.
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