"The only warmth in my life is the heated toilet seat." So goes the ditty entered in a recent poetry contest aimed at giving expression to Japan's downtrodden corporate samurai.
Fortunately, salvation may be on its way, thanks to the same aptitude for finding technological solutions to problems -- such as a cold bottom -- that our forlorn poet finds such comfort in.
On behalf of its long-suffering workers, the Japanese government champions telecommuting, hoping a radical change to the nation's work practices will end its notoriously inefficient work culture. Policymakers even think a little more time at home might lead to an increased birthrate, something Tokyo feels needs to be addressed immediately. The long hours the Japanese put in at the office has stopped them having sex -- well, at least with their partners -- say some reports.
As part of its scheme to double by 2010 the number of telecommuters -- estimated at about 6.74 million in 2005, or about 20 percent of the working population -- the government has just completed a project to make Japan's already lightning-speed internet 10 times faster. It will launch this month and make passing data back and forth a matter of nanoseconds.
However this next-generation internet may be lost on Japan's older generation of corporate bruisers, some of whom still do not know how to operate a PC, or even type.
"That's what my secretaries are for," one senior manager says.
Younger employees, whose priorities are more in tune with the West's version of what life is for -- family, fun and friends -- are wildly embracing the changes.
All that prevents more companies offering telework is the cost, said Mariko Fujiwara, research director of Tokyo's Hakuhodo Institute of Life and Living.
She said if homes are given access to cheap, fast networks they will become a perfect nexus for work.
"Home will be much more than just home, it will become the center to connect to everywhere. Japan is ready for this as communication prices here are the lowest in the developed world," she said. "Security issues concerning working outside the office are almost solved but the key is making it cheap for companies to enable this technology in their employees' homes and for the road."
The Japanese government has just started offering tax breaks to companies who want to start teleworking schemes.
The latest big business to take advantage of such government help is Matsushita, the Japanese firm best known for its Panasonic brand, which began a telework program for nearly half of its 76,000 employees last month.
Its workers must have thought the announcement an April Fool's joke. Would they really be allowed to forgo their average 90-minute commute in trains at 400 percent capacity and the calisthenics workout they have to complete each morning en masse?
Company spokesman Akira Kadota said the scheme was no jest and expected the company's very own technology to be help ease the transition.
"The company will loan out computers and cameras to its workforce for online conferences. We are also fortunate in that Matsushita has done of lot of work in the networked home field and we intend to take full advantage of that expertise," Kadota said.
He said that security issues had held the company back from embracing teleworking before but new technologies such as biometrics and secure networks have at last made telecommuting a reality.
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