Spare a thought for poor old Department of Health Minister Yeh Ching-chuan (葉金川).
There he was on Monday evening, enjoying his long-awaited taxpayer-funded jolly to Geneva for the World Health Assembly (WHA) and wrapping up an evening of schmoozing with diplomatic buddies, when he was approached by two young, attractive and well-dressed Asian ladies.
Such a situation would not normally be cause for alarm, and one could have forgiven Yeh for thinking his luck was in. That was until overseas Taiwanese student Huang Hai-ning (黃海寧) opened her mouth and started grilling him about Taiwan’s status at the WHA.
What happened next was captured on a YouTube video (www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNEl9JpGkD8&eurl) for all to see in full, glorious Technicolor (or should that be YouTubecolor?) under the title “Attack of the Taidu Fembots” — or at least that’s what it should be called.
I have to admit I was rather surprised and disappointed at Yeh’s pathetic attempts to brush off Huang’s questions.
Cornered by his quixotic inquisitor, Yeh resembled a rabbit in the headlights (or TV camera lights). I found this bizarre, as any self-respecting, middle-aged Taiwanese male should have a wealth of experience when it comes to fending off difficult questions from an irate woman following a night on the tiles with friends.
Instead, Yeh tried to play the wiseass by throwing a bunch of insulting questions back at Huang, all the time walking back and forth, standing and sitting down, as if he were waiting for someone to beam him up. Unfortunately for him, it didn’t happen.
Why didn’t he just answer the damn question?
Oh, I forgot. He’s an official, and a Chinese Nationalist Party (KMT) one to boot.
Or maybe he’d had a few too many peach schnapps.
Yeh might have come out of it with more credibility if he’d just said: “Look, darling. I’ve had a bit too much to drink. Come up to my room. I’ll order some fondue, you can sit on my lap and we’ll talk about the first thing that comes up. Haarrr, haarrr, haarrr. Hic!”
Another way to save face could have been to ignore her, start singing Show Me the Way to Go Home, put his arm around the nearest KMT legislator and stumble off — while stopping to vomit all over the nearest pot plant.
Instead, remarkably, Yeh proceeded to make things worse when a little later he decided to hold an impromptu press conference, at which he started blubbing like a baby while expressing his “love for Taiwan” — confirming my earlier suspicions that he was probably three sheets to the wind.
Yeh didn’t exactly do anything to dispel my suspicions upon arrival in Taipei on Thursday.
Quizzed by reporters on whether he was planning to file a lawsuit against Huang, he said: “I don’t really remember anything about it.”
According to experts, those like Yeh who suffer from high-blood pressure should avoid alcohol altogether or drink only in moderation.
If I were Yeh, I’d take that advice to heart.
After all, health minister he may be, but it was hard to find a less healthy-looking specimen on show among the ministers at the WHA meeting.
The pasty-faced Yeh looked a prime candidate for quarantine as he stepped up to the podium to address the delegates in Geneva. I’ve seen healthier looking cadavers, for Matsu’s sake.
But enough about Yeh. What about his newfound nemesis?
Watching the footage of Huang and the way she slammed her hot pink designer handbag down on the table gave me goosebumps: It reminded me of the night I met my gal Cathy Pacific many, many decades ago in the lobby of the Grand Hotel.
I was leaving the hotel after a clandestine meeting of the Taiwan Journalists for Independence Patriotic Front, when I bumped into Cathy who, as leader of the unofficial stewardesses union, was busy remonstrating with the boss of China Airlines over poor working conditions and unsafe planes (some things never change).
It was love at first sight.
But back to Huang. A little research turns up some details: She is the daughter of a former Democratic Progressive Party (DPP) Taichung County councilor. No surprises there.
The Neihu News Network reported that 30-year-old Huang is a doctoral candidate in mass media at the University of Paris VIII, which is highly appropriate as the university was founded in the wake of the May 1968 student protests and became a hotbed for radical student activity.
In the past she has worked at DPP headquarters and was a member of the party’s Youth Corps during past presidential elections.
She even returned to Taiwan last year to support “Mr No Campaign” Frank Hsieh (謝長廷) for last year’s presidential election.
Hey, we all make mistakes.
Look at her blog, however, (it’s now closed thanks to the thousands of hits it received following Monday’s events) and you would be forgiven for getting the wrong impression.
After all, the home page appears to be a carbon copy of the millions of other Taiwanese blogs out there littered with pictures of “girl with cute dog,” “lonely meal on restaurant table,” “girl and friend with cute cat,” “three cute girls performing ubiquitous two-finger pose with puckered lips.”
On first impression, I admit I had visions of Huang returning to her Paris apartment, taking off her high heels and slipping out of her slinky black dress (my more PC readers will have to forgive my middle-aged fantasies) before showering and tucking herself into bed under her toasty-warm Hello Kitty quilt.
But the YouTube video suggests Huang is made of sterner stuff (there’s no My Melody memorabilia in her bedroom, I’ll wager). And judging by her Geneva performance she would appear destined for a career in politics.
Cynics might say that this was the reason behind her decision to drive the 540-plus kilometers from Paris to Geneva in the first place.
If the DPP plays this incident wisely, it could use Huang as a poster girl for the next generation of pan-green teenage boys. A sort of Fluffy the Pan-Blue Slayer, if you will.
What could be a better rallying image at the next anti-China protest than Huang clad in a skin-tight, green leather leotard leading the charge atop a DPP sound truck? Xena: Warrior Princess, anyone?
Carefully coiffured Chicom creep Chen Yunlin (陳雲林) had better hope that the French college semester is still in progress when he visits Taiwan again later this year.
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