Those born and raised in Taiwan would probably agree that it is a society in which children face frequent intervention — or even forceful imposition — from their parents throughout childhood as well as adulthood.
Parents tend to play a decisive role in nearly every aspect of their children’s lives, from where they go to school and who their friends are to which company they work for, whom they marry and where their wedding will be.
This social phenomenon can be cleverly summed up by a popular online phrase: “There is a type of ‘hungry’ called ‘your mom thinks you are hungry,’” meaning that the will of the parents overrides that of their children.
Society has grown so accustomed to this type of parenting that many netizens harshly criticized a mother who honored her five-year-old daughter’s wish to take off her clothes in public on Friday last week because of the hot weather.
The mother said in a statement afterward that she had been waiting for her husband in front of a Taipei Main Station MRT exit with her son and “naked daughter” when some passers-by approached them, making hostile comments that made her daughter uncomfortable, such as: “A little girl cannot go naked,” “Everyone is wearing clothes but you” and “Put your clothes on, it is unsightly.”
The mother said she was only respecting her child’s choice and that gender should not be a factor.
After her husband arrived, someone suggested that he should “educate the kid [because] she is a girl,” to which he responded that the essence of education should be respect, not demands.
The incident ended up in the news and on the Internet because a “righteous bystander” filmed the exchange, including the little girl.
Some netizens accused the mother of abusing the term “respect,” while others argued that five years is too young to be capable of making decisions about one’s own body.
This incident highlights out a number of social issues, including gender stereotypes and an intolerance of nudity.
However, the more pervasive problem underscored by the event is the prevalence of invasive parenting.
Most Taiwanese parents perform their role based on the conviction that “parents know best,” robbing their children of any opportunity to try things, to learn how to make their own decisions or to make choices outside of mainstream norms.
This parenting style is often rationalized as an attempt to prevent their children from getting hurt, going down the wrong path or living a life that others deem “out of the ordinary,” whether it is remaining single into the child’s late 30s or 40s or coming out as gay.
Why is this parenting style bad? Because it could smother creativity and a desire to explore, and could create a tendency to play it safe and to make decisions based on social expectations rather than personal affinity.
That is why so many are baffled by a mother letting her daughter do what society considers “unusual” out of “respect” for her choice.
However, as the mother said in her statement, although all parents feel the urge to protect their children, protection should not mean restrictions, making parents the boss or the expectation that children live in the eyes of others.
This is a valuable lesson to parents: Children are also people with preferences and viewpoints, and they deserve to be treated as such.
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