What a long, strange trip it’s been for the 17 Uighurs incarcerated at Gitmo.
First they left China seeking training at terror camps in Tora Bora, Afghanistan, according to Bloomberg (quoting US court filings).
It probably seemed like a good career move at the time. After all, opportunities are few and far between in Xinjiang — unless you’re a Han colonist.
But they didn’t count on Osama bin Laden — or Uncle Sam. The Tora Bora camps were run by Muslim Uighur separatists designated as terrorists by the US State Department, Bloomberg said.
That might not have mattered so much for these guys had a little thing called Sept. 11 not happened. As it turned out, when the US began bombing the bejeezus out of Afghanistan, these 17 fish out of water high-finned it to neighboring Pakistan.
Wrong move.
There they were captured — by whom it’s not clear — and turned over to the US military, who promptly labeled them “enemy combatants” and gave them an all-expenses-paid, open-ended vacation in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.
Later, the US concluded that they weren’t “enemy combatants” at all. Apparently they were just a gang of Uighur drifters who’d picked up explosives training and knew their way around an AK-47 (we’re not talking maps of the New York City subway system on their person with “Attack here” in bad Arabic scrawled on them in crayon).
So what to do with them? After holding the Gitmo 17 for years without charge, the US said it couldn’t send them back to China because they might be deprived of their rights.
Hypocritical, you say?
Perhaps. But I’d wager the possible torture and treatment that awaited them in the Chinese gulags would make Gitmo look like the Ritz-Carlton on a British MP’s expense account.
Last week, a tiny Pacific island came to the rescue. Palau, a staunch Taiwan ally, said it would take the 17.
“This is but a small thing we can do to thank our best friend and ally for all it has done for Palau,” Palauan President Johnson Toribiong said in a statement to The Associated Press.
One lawyer quoted by the New York Times chalked this compromise up to Palau’s proud traditions.
“ ‘What they will encounter in Palau is paradise,’ said Stuart Beck, an American lawyer who is Palau’s permanent United Nations representative. ‘From the time the first British vessel hit a reef in Palau in 1783, it has welcomed refugees.’ ”
I’m guessing Palau’s lack of formal ties with China — and thus its willingness to tell Beijing to stick its anger where the sun don’t shine — probably helped.
So did the US$200 million reportedly offered to Palau by the US. This was aid money, a US State Department hack insisted, which had nothing to do with the Uighur deal.
I was so moved by the generosity of Palau for these luckless, reluctant and controversial migrants that I wondered to myself: How can I, or Taiwanese generally, come to the aid of the politically misunderstood, the renditioned, the colonized and the oppressed non-terrorists of the world?
After several hours of deep introspection and soul-searching, I couldn’t think of anything.
So, in the best philanthropic tradition, old Johnny instead presents to the people of Palau a modest proposal on how to best capitalize on these Uighurs’ versatile talents.
The Best Job in the World, especially since they’re not being tortured
Clearly, the Uighurs should be drafted into promoting tourism for the island. It’s the least they can do.
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