Sat, Sep 19, 2009 - Page 8 News List

JOHNNY NEIHU'S NEWS WATCH: Crime, punishment … panda robots

By Johnny Neihu 強尼內湖

The stench of Chinese Nationalist Party (KMT) hypocrisy is overpowering these days — much like the stinky tofu blast that assaults one’s olfactory system during a stroll through the Shida (師大) night market.

When it comes to KMT criticism of former president Chen Shui-bian (陳水扁), the party has a serious case of the pot calling the kettle black.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s pretty clear by now that Chen and his missus had their paws in the cookie jar to some degree. Scratch that — they had their mitts, footsies, heads and shoulders crammed in the damn jar.

Still, the KMT’s A-bian hatred has gone to a ridiculous extreme.

First, they mooted a law that would strip former heads of state of their stipends and other benefits if found guilty of corruption in a first trial. Never mind that there’s already a law on the books to do just that after due process has expired.

Nah, that’s just a formality, the KMT says. Strip him of his rights — now.

Then, the party said it was time to “decriminalize” personal use of the special funds of officials. For those who remember as far back as 2006, this was precisely the crime that sparked the whole anti-Chen “Red Shirt”movement.

Maybe this has something to do with the 200 local officials — many KMTers — who are now under investigation for use of said funds. Ya think?

Look next for the KMT to follow Aceh’s lead and propose death by stoning — but only for former presidents who wear pomelo rinds on their head and are found guilty of corruption.

As for former first lady Wu Shu-jen (吳淑珍), let’s amend the law to allow for public caning — just like they were going to do in Malaysia for that model who sucked down a brewskie. But the law has to be restricted to former first ladies who have been found guilty of corruption. And who use wheelchairs.

There’s a fundamentalist zeal about the way the KMT is going after A-bian and his family. It wouldn’t be so sickening were it not for that party’s long record of bumbling misrule and its institutionalization of official graft — petty or otherwise.

Anyone with a shred of history under his belt would agree that most of the KMT’s “rule” is properly viewed as one massive organized crime racket, with party and government officials from the lowly township all the way to the metropole sucking on the teat of the state to their heart’s delight — usually at the expense of us hard-working benshengren.

Now they want to get all judgmental and moralistic when one of those benshengren rises up and follows their lead? (“Ya learned too good, kid. Now get back in your place.”)

But don’t take it from me. Just look at this excerpt from the court ruling (my translation):

Judgment in the case of Chen Shui-bian (hereafter “The Evil One”) and Wu Shu-jen (hereafter “That Beeatch”)

Taipei District Court, Three Judge Panel, Justice Tsai Shou-hsun [蔡守訓] presiding

“Hear ye, hear ye, in the case of The Evil One, this Court, mindful of its duties as Guardian of the Laws of the Land, renders the following judgments, in situ, e pluribus unum and in dolce et decorum est.

“On the charge of embezzlement of funds from the state affairs fund, we, the aforesaid Court, find The Evil One guilty of embezzlement, the punishment being life in prison. We, the Court, also recommend waterboarding and the pulling of fingernails with pliers, but as said punishments remain unlisted in the Punitive Techniques appendix to the Criminal Code, the Court at this time refrains from mandating said punishments until said Code is amended.”

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