Is the goalkeeper a fliegenfanger? Was that goal a Maradona? Should the ball be passed to the porteur d'eau or the trequartista?
No comprendo? Then you're obviously not fluent in Socceranto, a soccer language cobbled together by an English schoolboy and an American-Argentinian student.
They believe the game needs a common tongue to benefit both players and fans.
PHOTO: AP
"Things are all very well when, say, Ecuador plays Costa Rica or Ghana meets the USA," said 16-year-old Ted Freedman, the English co-author of Socceranto: Birth of a Language.
"But what about when Japan plays Brazil or Ukraine meets Saudi Arabia?" he asked.
The 32 teams taking part in the World Cup share 18 official languages so, the authors argue, soccer needs an international tongue that all recognize.
It's based on Esperanto, the world language invented in 1887, and soccer phrases, words and names drawn from throughout the world.
So a fliegenfanger is the word for a useless goalkeeper derived from the German word for flycatcher.
Maradona is the word for a goal scored with the use of the hand as in the Argentinian's infamous strike against England at the 1986 World Cup.
In midfield, the porteur d'eau would be the defensive holding player in the style of former French international Didier Deschamps, often condemned as a water carrier.
The trequartista would be more flamboyant, the playmaker, from the Italian, a player who operates between midfield and attack, threequarters of the way up the pitch.
"Soccer has become the most international game in the world and [also] the most globalized industry," Socceranto co-author Ignacio van Gelderen said.
"This is just the launch of a long-term project. Or, as we say in Socceranto, it's `early doors' [early in the game]. We hope that Socceranto will develop in time into a richer, more international, more distinct and fully-fledged language. We hope this World Cup will help."
Many of the phrases used are based on Brazilian names and, not surprisingly, used to describe flair and flamboyance.
A Ronaldinho is a no-look pass, a Kaka is a volley, a Pele, a bicycle kick and a Roberto, a banana kick, in honor of Roberto Carlos and Roberto Rivelinho.
Other players are in the dictionary but associated with times in their careers they would rather forget.
A Baggio is a missed penalty after the Italian star's bungled spotkick in the shootout in the 1994 final against Brazil; a Caniggia remembers the Argentinian attacker who managed to get sent-off while sitting on the bench against Sweden in 2002.
Poor old Jurgen Klinsmann, currently on a high for coaching Germany into the second round here, also makes the book.
A Klinsmann is a dive in memory of the German's playing days when he had a reputation for going down too easily in the penalty area.
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