The fallout from the mishandling of Typhoon Morakot has caused many people, particularly those overseas, to see our dear leader Ma Ying-jeou (馬英九) in a new light.
For practically the first time since he positioned his privileged posterior in the Presidential Office more than a year ago, the darling of the international media has been getting some bad press from those who previously made a living out of fawning over every move of the “Harvard-educated,” “handsome” “leader” of the “China-friendly” Chinese Nationalist Party (KMT).
First off, The Associated Press threw a few jabs, hurting the boy-faced wonder with accusations of an “arrogant and aloof” demeanor before detailing his “string of blunders.”
Then the Financial Times landed a rabbit punch, describing our man’s “struggle to contain political damage.”
But the knockout blow came from the New York Times, with Andrew Jacobs providing by far the best summary of the failings of our Chiang Ching-kuo (蔣經國) wannabe, with this classic description: “Prone to wonkish utterances, Ma is not known as a good communicator. His wooden qualities have been thrown into stark relief in recent days as he has tried to console storm victims.”
Time to throw in the towel.
These are the kind of gems that can be mined on the few occasions when international journalists can be bothered to grace our shores.
You can tell how bad things have gotten for Marky Mark Ma when even the rabidly pro-KMT press corps starts getting on his case, as did the China Times with its Tuesday editorial character assassination.
“[Ma] cannot identify with the feelings of others, and he cannot hide this flaw … he doesn’t have the backbone to make quick and firm decisions ... Being meticulous about procedural details is an appropriate approach for other officials, but not for a head of state. After the disaster, Ma had 72 hours to show his leadership, but he squandered that time and there is no way to recover it now.”
Ouch!
Stung by this unprecedented international and domestic criticism and with his popularity plunging faster than Yao Yao’s (瑤瑤) neckline, Ma did what he does best: He called two press conferences in an attempt to allay fears that he is a bumbling buffoon.
Bad move. Because despite what many people think, Ma’s much-feted English skills are really not that great and usually consist of lots of umming and ahhing before waffling in a roundabout way that doesn’t really answer the question.
Ma would have been better off trying to rebuild his battered image by taking a leaf out of Russian Presi-minister Vlad the Impaler’s book and staging a Putinesque picture shoot, stripping to the waist for a spot of bear-wrestling and horseback posing in a remote mountain retreat.
Trouble is, with all the roads to Alishan (阿里山) cut off for months to come and Taiwan’s native black bears about as rare as an intact bridge in Kaohsiung County, Ma would probably have to cancel that in favor of a semi-naked romp with Tuan-Tuan and Yuan-Yuan at Taipei Zoo.
That assumes the Muzha MRT line is working, of course.
Speaking of battered reputations, I’d have to say that the nation’s cable TV news channels have gone some way to improving their collective image as public service providers following the sterling work they did in covering rescue operations after Morakot.
It if hadn’t been for their prompt reporting of bits of information concerning trapped villagers and footage from intrepid reporters, there would surely have been even more death and destruction, with some still stuck in the mountains for Matsu knows how long.
Now, fast forward a few years.
CCTV Taiwan Evening News
Bulletin for Jan. 21, 2017
Newsreader: “Taiwan Province Regional Administrator in Perpetuity Ma Ying-jeou today expressed surprise at news that employees of Yunnan Province’s Chuandian Pharmaceutical Company (Bear Bile Division) discovered what appeared to be a new Aboriginal tribe deep in the mountains of Kaohsiung County while hunting for Taiwan black pandas.
“Upon torturing the unkempt natives to discover the whereabouts of the remaining creatures — known as Formosan black bears until the glorious mission of reunification was completed last year — it turned out that the emaciated, dark-skinned barbarians were survivors of Typhoon Morakot. They had been living off the land since all road access to the outside world was washed away when the typhoon struck the island eight years ago.
“It was the chaos and devastation caused by Morakot in 2009 that finally convinced the then-renegade administration of Taiwan to realize the futility of maintaining its faux independent status and enter into negotiations with former chairman Comrade Hu Jintao (胡錦濤) soon after.
“Commenting on the matter, Regional Administrator Ma said, ‘Oh, I remember Morakot. It was my finest hour. We rescued thousands of stranded people. Except for the hundreds that died. Those poor folks must not have wanted to be rescued.’”
As for me, I used to view Ma as an anal retentive in the wrong line of work.
Following his awkward, emotionless attempts to console victims last week and this week, however, whenever I see him my mind conjures up a cross between Homer Simpson and a sexually repressed product of the British public school system.
When is someone going to tell Ma that it doesn’t matter whether you wear a “Taiwan” cap or not — it’s what’s underneath it that counts.
Staying on the schoolboy theme, some of the lame excuses being bandied about by officials for their dereliction of duty were so incredibly unbelievable that fifth graders would have been proud of them.
Just in case you missed them, I have compiled a Morakot Excuse Hall of Shame.
First, the Ministry of Foreign Affairs’ justification for refusing foreign aid. Former deputy minister of foreign affairs Andrew Hsia (夏立言): “Teacher, I forgot to include the word ‘temporarily.’”
Next, Ma’s excuse for not starting the rescue effort earlier. Ma: “Teacher, it was raining and we didn’t want to get wet.”
The premier’s excuse for taking time out on Tuesday, Aug. 11, to have a haircut and dye? Ma again: “But Teacher, it was a regular appointment.”
Soon-to-be-former Cabinet Secretary-General Hsueh Hsiang-chuan’s (薛香川) excuse for going out for an expensive meal on Aug. 8 while people were being buried under landslides and washed away? Hsueh: “Teacher, it was Father’s Day.”
Compare these with the most credible excuse of the week. Florida resident Keith Griffin, when asked in court if he was guilty of downloading kiddie porn, said: “My cat did it.”
Got something to tell Johnny? Get it off your chest: Write to dearjohnny@taipeitimes.com, but put “Dear Johnny” in the subject line or he’ll mark your bouquets and brickbats as spam.
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