Liz Seccuro, a wedding planner, has organized many lavish weddings that cost in the high six figures. She has also arranged others for a tenth of those prices and has found that they can run more smoothly and, she said, exude more taste.
In fact, she observed, more money can mean more that can go morbidly awry.
"We once had a bride who was so obsessed with butterflies that she wanted to release live butterflies at her reception," said Seccuro, creative director of Dolce Parties in Greenwich, Connecticut, and New York. "When we freed them from their nets, they flew towards the massive light installations we had ordered, burned to a crisp and fell, in hundreds, to the dance floor."
PHOTO: NY TIMES NEWS SERVICE
She added: "Price of butterflies: US$10,000. Dead butterflies in your guests' hair and cleavage: priceless."
Do you think that planning the dinner seating chart for fussy relatives and in-laws seems arduous? It's hardly the only bump on the road to saying "I do." The average US wedding now runs a hefty US$27,852, almost double the US$15,208 spent in 1990, according to a study by the Conde Nast Bridal Group. Some 36 percent of couples spend more than they had planned, and only 30 percent of brides' parents pay for the whole event, down eight percentage points since 1999.
"I cannot think of a single wedding that I did that ever cost exactly what the client originally had in mind," said Colin Cowie, who describes himself as a "wedding designer and producer" and has orchestrated the weddings of Jerry Seinfeld, Kelsey Grammer and Lisa Kudrow.
Couples become "merchandised and seduced," he said.
Cowie, the chief executive of Colin Cowie Lifestyle in New York, Los Angeles and Miami, added: "On the high end of spending, it's become a world of specializing: finding a great name chef to preside over the food, a celebrity entertainer, a destination wedding that requires guests to fly somewhere in the Caribbean."
If stars splurge, the masses follow.
"In the past year or two," said Millie Martini Bratten, editor in chief of Brides magazine in New York, "we're seeing more couples include extravagant gestures such as blanketing an entire ballroom with flowers or staging a pre-wedding party with a theme, worthy of being photographed by a magazine. Celebrities always captivate attention. When Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston shot off fireworks, more people said, `Wow, I like that idea, I'll do that, too.'"
And just one wedding dress may not be enough.
"Brides sometimes undergo as many as three or four dress changes," said Arthur Backal, chief executive of State of the Art Enterprises, an event planning company in New York, with guests often moving "from room to room, with different themes, decors, menus and entertainment in each."
Overspending on weddings has "escalated out of control," said Marina Luri-Clark, whose company, A Hop Skip and a Jump, in West Hartford, Connecticut, plans destination events worldwide.
"For the most part, my clients are reasonable and consider a destination wedding a way to celebrate over four or five days with their closest family and friends," she said. "But sometimes the parents want to impress their friends. So many people influence a bride that it's easy to lose track of spending."
"It becomes this enormous beast," she added. "Suddenly the simple beach wedding has become a five-day extravaganza with pastries flown in from Paris."
But ingenuity and imagination may suffice when dollars don't.
Kathleen Schwark, 28, a bartender in Novato, California, and Kevin Steppler, 29, an auto mechanic in San Rafael, California, have set a US$10,000 budget for their wedding in October. For her gown, Schwark waited until prom dresses went on sale and snapped up a white one for US$115. She is springing for US$20 worth of embellishments, some colored to match her bridesmaids' dresses.
The tables will have crossword puzzles and other word games instead of favors.
"The questions and answers are about us: our middle names, number of bones Kevin has broken, city of engagement," she said. "No one guest will know all the answers; they'll just have to talk to each other."
Romance notwithstanding, getting the most from the high cost has become essential for many couples.
"A wedding is also a business transaction involving thousands of dollars -- and an opportunity to bargain and save hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars," said Shirit Kronzon, a lecturer at the Wharton School of Business of the University of Pennsylvania who wrote The Bargaining Bride (New Page Books, 2005) with Andrew Ward, associate professor of psychology at Swarthmore College.
"Most elements of the wedding are negotiable," Kronzon said.
Kronzon added: "If you're buying a car for US$20,000, you might not think twice about holding firm to your bottom line and also bargaining for extras like an extended warranty. But when it comes to a wedding, we're less aggressive."
You needn't be a pit bull to get a bargain, she said. "You don't have to think of it as a formal, tough, adversarial negotiation," she said. "You just have to frame it as asking a question: `What specials or promotions are you currently offering? Can you discount the gown or give me more photos for the same price?'"
One potential money trap is an expensive outdoor wedding -- with no Plan B for bad weather.
Consider the bride who insisted that her cocktail reception be held on a tennis court carpeted "in pure snowy white," said Seccuro, the event planner, who had the area covered with a tent for US$40,000.
"I repeatedly warned her that white would be a disaster if it rained. Of course, it rained."
With both carpet and reception spoiled by muddy footprints as guests entered the tent from their cars, they had to be shuffled into the dinner tent far earlier than had been planned, confounding the precise serving schedule.
But isn't hiring a wedding planner just one more assault on the budget?
Carley Roney, co-founder of TheKnot.com, which helps brides-to-be plan their weddings, says she doesn't think so.
"You give them a budget, and their job is to make the wedding happen in that budget," she said. "By not overspending, they can save thousands of dollars."
Roney added: "There are so many overlooked expenses that people don't calculate as part of their budget."
Consider tipping: 15 percent of a US$20,000 catering bill means an additional US$3,000.
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