Stock markets tumbled as corporate scandals from Enron Corp's shredding to WorldCom Inc's phony bookkeeping wiped out hundreds of billions of dollars in investments.
The mood is grim, and Wall Street is laughing.
E-mails making the rounds of hedge fund managers include these proposed new accounting acronyms: For EBITDA, read Earnings Before I Tricked the Dumb Auditor.
CEO now stands for Chief Embezzlement Officer while EPS, instead of earnings per share, means Eventual Prison Sentence.
Tyco International Ltd's market value plunged by US$92 billion this year, and Dennis Kozlowski stepped down as chief executive -- just before he was indicted on tax evasion charges.
A real news story headline -- Tyco Speaking to CEO Candidates -- resulted in this e-mailed fantasy "interview": Interviewer: "Have you ever been in jail?" CEO Wannabe: "Not yet." Interviewer: "How much is 2 plus 2?" CEO Wannabe: "What do you want it to be?" Interviewer: "When can you start?"
Wall Street brokers and analysts also are under attack for helping inflate the dot.com bubble that has now burst. They aren't immune from the blame going around. In May, Merrill Lynch & Co agreed to pay a US$100 million fine to settle New York State charges that it spun research to win and please clients.
In June, Arthur Andersen LLP was convicted of obstruction of justice and both WorldCom and Xerox Corp admitted they fabricated earnings. The worse the news, the quicker the jokes spread.
The Internet helps fan the black humor. "It's a field day for satirists," said Andrew Marlatt, who runs SatireWire.com, a Web site devoted to making light of newsworthy events.
"How often do you have so many egregious things happening at the same time?" he said.
Marlatt ran a piece about a band of roving chief executives who flee for the Mexican border, "plundering towns and villages along the way and writing the entire rampage off as a marketing expense."
"I can't explain why the world is suddenly interested in poking fun at business," he said. "Other than that everyone has lost millions of dollars."
People normally uninterested in business have been riveted by news that Martha Stewart, the housekeeping icon, is being investigated for insider trading. The tips allegedly came from her pal Sam Waksal, the ex-CEO of ImClone Systems Inc, who has been indicted on insider-trading charges.
Corporate shenanigans have been fodder for Saturday Night Live skits and Garry Trudeau's Doonesbury strip, where characters have trouble telling the business section -- "You know, where they list all the busts and trials and scandals" -- from the crime page.
Grant's Interest Rate Observer, a biweekly newsletter, has moved beyond its coverage of bank loans, money market funds and corporate bonds to take note of the scandal in cartoons.
"How are we quoting bail bonds?" shouts a broker to a colleague on a trading desk in one cartoon.
Said editor Jim Grant, who thinks up the punchlines: "There's no end of opportunities at this juncture."
NO-LIMITS PARTNERSHIP: ‘The bottom line’ is that if the US were to have a conflict with China or Russia it would likely open up a second front with the other, a US senator said Beijing and Moscow could cooperate in a conflict over Taiwan, the top US intelligence chief told the US Senate this week. “We see China and Russia, for the first time, exercising together in relation to Taiwan and recognizing that this is a place where China definitely wants Russia to be working with them, and we see no reason why they wouldn’t,” US Director of National Intelligence Avril Haines told a US Senate Committee on Armed Services hearing on Thursday. US Senator Mike Rounds asked Haines about such a potential scenario. He also asked US Defense Intelligence Agency Director Lieutenant General Jeffrey Kruse
INSPIRING: Taiwan has been a model in the Asia-Pacific region with its democratic transition, free and fair elections and open society, the vice president-elect said Taiwan can play a leadership role in the Asia-Pacific region, vice president-elect Hsiao Bi-khim (蕭美琴) told a forum in Taipei yesterday, highlighting the nation’s resilience in the face of geopolitical challenges. “Not only can Taiwan help, but Taiwan can lead ... not only can Taiwan play a leadership role, but Taiwan’s leadership is important to the world,” Hsiao told the annual forum hosted by the Center for Asia-Pacific Resilience and Innovation think tank. Hsiao thanked Taiwan’s international friends for their long-term support, citing the example of US President Joe Biden last month signing into law a bill to provide aid to Taiwan,
China’s intrusive and territorial claims in the Indo-Pacific region are “illegal, coercive, aggressive and deceptive,” new US Indo-Pacific Commander Admiral Samuel Paparo said on Friday, adding that he would continue working with allies and partners to keep the area free and open. Paparo made the remarks at a change-of-command ceremony at Joint Base Pearl Harbor-Hickam in Hawaii, where he took over the command from Admiral John Aquilino. “Our world faces a complex problem set in the troubling actions of the People’s Republic of China [PRC] and its rapid buildup of forces. We must be ready to answer the PRC’s increasingly intrusive and
STATE OF THE NATION: The legislature should invite the president to deliver an address every year, the TPP said, adding that Lai should also have to answer legislators’ questions The Chinese Nationalist Party (KMT) yesterday proposed inviting president-elect William Lai (賴清德) to make a historic first state of the nation address at the legislature following his inauguration on May 20. Lai is expected to face many domestic and international challenges, and should clarify his intended policies with the public’s representatives, KMT caucus secretary-general Hung Meng-kai (洪孟楷) said when making the proposal at a meeting of the legislature’s Procedure Committee. The committee voted to add the item to the agenda for Friday, along with another similar proposal put forward by the Taiwan People’s Party (TPP). The invitation is in line with Article 15-2