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Officials uncover secret Taiwanese weapons program

In a move certain to send shockwaves through cross-strait relations, the Ministry of National Defense yesterday said a secret weapons development program it had begun in 1996 had succeeded beyond all expectations, and had the potential to restore equilibrium to the cross-strait military balance.

The program, dubbed Operation Bin Lang Fen Nu (檳榔憤怒), was created under former president Lee Teng-hui (李登輝), after the fallout from the Lafayette-class frigate scandal left many military strategists convinced that Taiwan had to rely on indigenous solutions for its defensive needs.

Although details are sketchy, a highly placed military source confirmed that the weapons relied on chemicals extracted from chewed betel nuts, and that a number of professional betel-nut chewers, including truck drivers, betel-nut girls and taxi drivers, had been recruited to produce adequate supplies of betel-nut extract.

Unconfirmed media reports indicate that one of the systems developed was a type of land-attack cruise missile, which employed an aerosol-dispersal device to shower enemy positions with red betel-nut juice, leaving enemy personnel feeling slightly ill, while possessing them with an uncontrollable desire to sing at a KTV.
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