They may not model their own underwear just yet, but a dizzying array of fake “Galacticos” are strutting their stuff at the Asian Cup — from Asian Ronaldos to a David Beckham prowling the touchline in a shellsuit.
Pele, Zico and Zinedine Zidane — not players you would immediately associate with Asian soccer — were once the far-fetched nicknames of choice, but times change.
This year’s tournament in Australia features the “Iraqi Cristiano Ronaldo,” “Asia’s Gareth Bale” and a “Chinese Sergio Ramos,” mirroring the surge in popularity of European champions Real Madrid. In addition, a flash sobriquet can help players looking to put themselves in the shop window.
Photo: AFP
Iraq wide man Ahmed Yasin, who plays in Sweden, possesses the pin-up looks of Ronaldo — if not quite his jaw-dropping ability or “CR7” line of bun-hugging briefs — while teammate Ali Adnan has been likened to Bale for his marauding charges up the left wing.
It appears that few teams left home without a Ronaldo for the Asian Cup, with bulldozing Bahrain striker Jaycee Okwunwanne perhaps coming closest so far, in terms of enthusiasm at least.
South Korea forward Son Heung-nin has been dubbed “Sonaldo” by his Bayer 04 Leverkusen teammates and the jet-heeled superstar with the floppy Beatles haircut and romantic ties with K-pop beauties is already a huge celebrity in his home country.
However, no Asian Cup would be complete without Uzbekistan great Mirdjalal Kasimov, rather excitedly dubbed “Uz-Becks” in his heyday for his sublime free-kicks.
Now, Uzbekistan head coach Kasimov does not have a pop star wife or a collection of dodgy sarongs, and looks-wise he and Beckham are worlds apart.
Unlike Beckham, the 44-year-old Kasimov does not trouble the barbers of Tashkent for more than a sensible short back and sides, no shampoo required.
Uzbekistan’s two-time Player of the Year Server Djeparov needs no fashion tips from Beckham, turning up to awards ceremonies rocking crushed velvet tuxedos, with his former mullet haircut having morphed into a ponytail after inviting unfortunate comparisons to former England star Chris Waddle.
While today’s wannabe superstars largely eschew the nicknames of yesteryear, comfortingly there are still a few nods to the past, with Qatar claiming to have a Maradona up their sleeve in the shape of Khalfan Ibrahim.
Iran are currently the Asian beach soccer champions, but they have no time to lounge around on sunbeds at the Asian Cup, or indulge in fanciful nicknames.
Charlton Athletic forward Reza Ghoochannejhad is known as “Gucci” for short, presumably not for an addiction to high-end shopping, while Karim Ansarifard is known, conservatively, as the “Iranian Ali Daei,” out of deference for the country’s record goal-scorer.
South Korea have a Steven Gerrard in midfielder Ki Sung-yueng, while their rivals across the border boast the “People’s Wayne Rooney” — or would, except that Jong Tae-se, who plays in the K-League, is missing from the North Korea squad.
The Asian Cup promised big names and has delivered by and large, albeit in a roundabout way.
Revelations of positive doping tests for nearly two dozen Chinese swimmers that went unpunished sparked an intense flurry of accusations and legal threats between the World Anti-Doping Agency (WADA) and the head of the US drug-fighting organization, who has long been one of WADA’s fiercest critics. WADA on Saturday said it was turning to legal counsel to address a statement released by US Anti-Doping Agency (USADA) CEO Travis Tygart, who said WADA and anti-doping authorities in China swept positive tests “under the carpet by failing to fairly and evenly follow the global rules that apply to everyone else in the world.” The
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