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Raising the red lanterns

I was in the bathroom when an enormous bang disturbed my micturation.

Looking out the window, I spied a red blaze over the “Bird’s Nest” National Stadium.

It was with a mixture of shock and awe that I suspected this was the fireworks show rehearsal for the opening ceremony of the Games.

China’s greatest state secret has been compromised: We now have a fair idea of what director Zhang Yimou’s (張藝謀) show will look like on Aug. 8.

The full dress rehearsal on Wednesday night took place in front of about 4,000 selected guests, including Vice President Xi Jinping (習近平), heir presumptive to President Hu Jintao (胡錦濤) and in charge of preparations for the Games.

Forgetting to wash my hands in the rush to find out more, I debriefed some of those who had a better view of the action.

They said the most attention-grabbing features were masses of children unfurling umbrellas, an army of terracotta warriors and gymnastic performances.

Comments on the performances were of the “disappointing” and “so-so” variety.

Apparently, it looks like a typical Zhang Yimou film.

That said, it should appeal to a foreign audience relatively unversed in the ways of the East, who will think of it as exotic and impressive — just like one of Zhang’s movies.

So, there should be a lot of red, typically Chinese cultural symbols and a state-of-the-art sound and light show.

It will be difficult to top Sydney’s opening ceremony, but expect fireworks. Lots of them.
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