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Zhang Fei is scandalized by police investigations of celebrities. PHOTO: TAIPEI TIMES

Promoting the recreational use of marijuana hit a new high in the media this week with further reports of raids on celebrities suspected of endorsing the drug. The stars' homes and companies were searched, urine was collected, hairs were plucked for evidence of illegal drug use and alleged drug paraphernalia was carted away for further investigation.

The sorry saga began at the end of last year when a luxury apartment in Taipei was busted and found to be a marijuana-growing farm for stars. Police trawled phone records and as a result picked up the "Prince of Nightclubs" Tuo Tsung-kang (庹宗康), TV host Chu Chung-heng (屈中恆), singer Suzanne Hsiao (蕭淑慎) and others. Tuo and Chu are currently doing time in a drying out center, while Hsiao (who claimed the positive test for cocaine and ketamine was the result of medication due to cosmetic surgery) is on clucker's row.

Since the "first wave" of celebrity arrests, prosecutors have been dropping hints about a "second wave" and the media, naturally enough, has been in a frenzy speculating who these stars are. Finally, at the beginning of this week, Chang Chen-yue (張震嶽) revealed he was on the list and we later learned that 13 to 20 showbiz people were raided last week.

While others kept quiet, Chang and taike impresario Landy Chang (張培仁) declared their innocence. A declaration of blamelessness is mandatory in these cases, but usually means the opposite. For instance, when the glabrous former Channel V presenter Jason Tang (唐志中) recently said he was not guilty it turned out that pubic hair samples showed he was a ketamine user.

Chang said he had taken a drugs test at a private clinic as a precautionary measure, in case he was falsely accused of enjoying a bowl of the sacred sinsemilla. Then he issued a joint statement with Landy saying, "we have a clear conscience, Earth people will know where we're coming from." Hello? Earth calling Chang. What the hell does that mean? Meanwhile, bouffant-styled entertainer Zhang Fei (張菲) — who does not need to smoke pot, he's already gone there — was scandalized by the whole situation and likened it to a pogrom. "First wave, second wave, what next? How can we live under this pressure?" he was quoted as saying in the United Daily News.

No doubt, the prosecutor's case is that drug testing celebrities will send a message that illegal consumption will not be tolerated, but experience would suggest otherwise. Adverts work by associating celebrities with a product. The advertiser hopes the recognition factor of the star will have a halo effect on the product. Simply put, star quality is transferred to the product. So, all the kids who wanna be taike like Chang Chen-yue will now be thinking, "Where do I score some weed?"

Finally, have you seen the latest Taiwan Mobile Co (台灣大哥大) adverts for its 3G service, with hounds standing on two legs and making imaginary phone calls with their paws? In the beagle ad a pixilated penis can still be made out jiggling away. In another ad, there is a kind of red cone where the phallus should be. Odd adverts. You can imagine the amount of brainpower that went into them.

"Should we get rid of the dick?"

"Nah, that would be cruel."

"Shall we just pixilate it, or put a cone on it?"

"Nah that will look stupid."

"It might look stupid, but we will also look responsible."

"Yeah, lets look stupid but responsible."

Pop Stop is now convinced of the need for a 3G phone and will be filing next week's story by mobile. You can read it on your phone. Clearly, advertising works. Pass the Dutchy.
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