Boarding an overnight flight from Washington to Germany three years ago, I settled in, ready to sleep or dig into my bag of video and audio amusements, when a middle-aged man climbed into the seat next to me. I closed my eyes -- and opened them again to the drumbeat of his knuckles on the window.
The man had brought nothing onboard, the movie screen wasn't working, and apparently all he could do for entertainment was tap on the window and sing to himself. Which he did, on and off, for eight hours.
The drum major doesn't have to worry anymore. Many airlines seem to believe that the longest flights, particularly those packed with business- and first-class seats — and amenities — may be their most lucrative routes. In the last three years, airlines have introduced a wealth of time-saving long-haul flights to the Middle East, Europe and Asia.
Singapore Airlines now flies nonstop between Newark Liberty and Singapore, Thai Airways between New York's Kennedy and Bangkok, Emirates daily between Kennedy and Dubai, and Continental between Newark and India or China, among other permutations. Delta Air Lines has aggressively upgraded its longest-haul flights, adding digital TV and music and redesigning its seats for more comfort. Air Tahiti Nui even has a nonstop from New York to Papeete, for those who want a direct shot to paradise.
This long-haul competition has spurred an arms race in onboard gadgets and services: movie channels, flat beds, more flight attendants, meals designed by prestigious chefs and exercise bars that can be used for yoga or stretching.
Over the last year, I've become a long-haul guinea pig, flying these new routes, sometimes one right after another. No flight allowed me to completely forget I was in a metal tube alongside strangers for as long as 18 hours. But the best ones helped me arrive at my destination with some sanity intact.
I started my odyssey in the spring of 2005 on South African Airways. South African's trip from New York to Johannesburg is one of the longest in the world — nearly 17 hours, with a brief refueling stop in Senegal. Since few other reliable carriers fly to Africa, SAA enjoys a virtual monopoly, and sometimes it shows.
I greedily scanned the enormous variety of films on my economy-class personal video system, but even at 165cm, I felt cramped in the tiny seat. (When I arrived in Johannesburg, I checked out webflyer.com, the online gabfest for frequent travelers, and found other complaints about the lack of legroom on South African Airways.)
Worse, the cabin staff often seemed to be missing in action. Midway through the flight, when I was able to flag down an attendant and request a soda, she brought me a can so small it barely filled a tiny airline glass. I asked for a second can and some ice. She simply shook her head and walked away. Pressing the call button got me silence.
Several weeks later, when I boarded Thai Airways' new flight from Kennedy to Bangkok, the only nonstop from the East Coast to the Thai capital, the atmosphere could hardly have been more different. In 2001, Thai's fleet was criticized — with an off-color invective — by the country's own prime minister. The New York route was a major attempt to upgrade Thai's image.
Onboard, in a spacious new Airbus A-340 fitted with just 215 seats — it could hold more than 300 — the staff seemed jazzed to fly. I sensed, for a moment, what it must have been like to go Pan Am in the 1940s, back when flying was glamorous and the staff shared the fun.
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