The book is laid out as a series of parent-child dialogues, charged with emotion and followed by alternative scenes meant to prevent family battles and resentments. In one conversation, "Jenna" has finished her homework and is glued to her favorite television show. "You have so much free time," her mother tells her. "It's a shame to waste it watching TV." It's a seemingly neutral observation. But what Jenna hears, according to the young authors, is quite different: "You have no direction in life, and everything you do is a waste of time."
Fox and Frankel acknowledge that they and their peers can be quick to interpret their parents' remarks as dismissive or condescending and respond with a hostility that masks their vulnerability. "What we want above all is your approval," they write. "Don't forget, no matter how much we act as if we don't care what you say, we believe the things you say about us."
In the case of Jenna and her mother, Fox and Frankel suggest alternative responses less likely to be misconstrued. The mother might have gotten her point across, they say, if she had coolly said that although it's fine to watch television and "veg out" to take a break from school pressures, Jenna might feel more relaxed and fulfilled if she found another enjoyable after-school activity. The secret, the authors point out, is to emphasize an activity as enjoyable rather than productive.
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