“Taiwan NEXT.” It may sound like the raison d’etre of the People’s Liberation Army’s continued military expansion, but in fact it is the slogan Democratic Progressive Party (DPP) Chairperson Tsai Ing-wen (蔡英文) hopes will help win her the presidency in January.
Some hope (though one must not forget that these slogans often do not translate well into English). Which is also good news for Tsai’s rival in next year’s presidential race, incumbent commander-in-sleep President Ma Ying-jeou (馬英九), whose own slogan, “Taiwan Cheers, Great,” is just, well, utterly uninspiring.
You can always tell an election is approaching when Ma starts using the “T” word — albeit through gritted teeth. Another sign of upcoming polls is that people such as Sean Lien (連勝文) start crawling out of the woodwork to work the campaign trail, although he may not be so keen this time around.
Ma’s campaign started in earnest last week when, in an interview with the Apple Daily, he attacked Tsai for her “empty” cross-strait policies.
That’s rich coming from someone whose sole diplomatic strategy so far seems to consist of vapidly sucking up to China in the hope it may throw him a bone or two.
Waiting at China’s table for scraps fits in well with the other major theme of foreign policy under the Ma government — so-called “Gastro-diplomacy.”
This is a form of soft power — ideal for a leader of Ma’s repute — where Taiwan tries to literally curry favor with other nations, forging an identity with foreigners by showing them the delicious dishes on offer in Taiwan.
But seriously, apart from bringing in a few more tourists, does the Ma administration really expect its sustenance-related statecraft will have any effect on those formulating global foreign policy?
One can just imagine US senators voting to send troops to defend Taiwan from the invading Chinese hordes on the back of fond memories of Din Tai Fung dumplings.
Even these efforts have not proved too fruitful if state-run mouthpiece Central News Agency (CNA) — is it OK nowadays to describe it thus? — is to be believed. CNA reported last week that Taipei Mayor Hau Lung-bin (郝龍斌) had taken international gastronomy guidebook the Michelin Guide to task after it described the Taiwan staple of braised pork rice (luroufan) as originating from China’s Shandong Province.
Good old Hau. You can always count on him and the Chinese Nationalist Party (KMT) to stand up for Taiwan on the important issues of the day.
Should gastro-diplomacy fail, it would not be for a lack of resources — not if the number of lavish advertisements running on CNN and in magazines such as The Economist these days is any gauge.
“Discover New Flavors,” the advertisements pronounce, before displaying pictures of well-known local delicacies, such as mango ice and bubble milk tea. The advertisements finish with a slogan: “Taiwan: The Heart of Asia.”
While an improvement on “Taiwan: Touch your Heart,” it is a bit too similar to “Malaysia: Truly Asia.” It is also a tad dishonest. Geographically speaking, Taiwan is more like the “Elbow of Asia,” but of course that does not sound as good.
If Ma and his team are stuck for a better slogan, I would suggest something simple and straight to the point, something that reflects all Ma’s historical efforts to turn Taiwan into a regional hub of one form or another.
How about: “Taiwan, Hubba, Hubba”?
Joe Doufu is a Taipei-based satirist.
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