I think all of their recent election success must have gone to the collective heads of the Democratic Progressive Party’s (DPP) election selection committee. Either that, or we are seeing symptoms of early-onset Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease following the party’s pre-Christmas bash at a Taipei Korean barbecue restaurant (which, my sources tell me, is not a member of Mayor Hau Lung-bin’s [郝龍斌] US beef embargo club).
The retaking of Yilan County in December and the shock of winning its first-ever legislative seat in Taitung last week must have got the DPP believing it is unbeatable on the east coast.
I mean, what else can possibly explain the decision to choose cosmopolitan, multilingual, feline-loving, former Taipei-based legislator Hsiao Bi-khim (蕭美琴) as the party’s candidate for next month’s legislative by-election in Hualien?
No disrespect to the good people of Hualien, but I hardly think Hsiao is the type of politician that appeals to voters down there.
For a start, it is highly doubtful that Hsiao ever seriously traveled through Taiwan’s bluer-than-blue redneck hinterland before her trip there to register for the election earlier this week.
Putting Hsiao on the Hualien ticket is a bit like inviting neocon high priestess Sarah Palin to be the keynote speaker at the annual dinner of the California Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Pro-Gun Control Anti-Death Penalty Stop Climate Change Society.
It just doesn’t make sense.
Did the DPP not notice the fate of former minister of health Yeh Ching-chuan (葉金川), who suffered an embarrassing loss in the Chinese Nationalist Party (KMT) county commissioner primary in August — even after being hand-picked by Prez Marky Mark Ma (馬英九)? All this, despite Yeh having the backing of the party’s senior figures and once buying some mochi (麻糬) outside Hualien Railway Station.
Yeh found out the hard way — in true Deliverance style — that Hualien natives “don’t take kindly to outsiders.” He ended his campaign by scuttling back to Taipei with his tail between his legs faster than you can say “Taroko Gorge.”
What was it that turned Hualien’s voters against Yeh? Maybe it was his pathetic attempts to defend himself when caught cold by a pan-green warrioress after a night out schmoozing in Geneva during a meeting of the World Health Assembly. From the footage it was obvious that Yeh can’t handle his drink — and that just doesn’t cut the mustard with folks on the east coast.
Anyway, back to Hsiao. The only explanation I can come up with for her being tasked with this “mission impossible” is that either she really pissed off someone important over at DPP Central or else she is taking one for the team a la Wanky Franky Hsieh (謝長廷) in Taipei City in 2006.
After years of watching local politics I would say Hsiao stands about as much chance of winning as seeing newly crowned economic cooperation framework agreement (ECFA) cheerleader and former heavyweight mobster Yen Ching-piao (顏清標) take part in this year’s Matsu parade wearing a mankini.
Still, out of pure respect for her bravado (and because I think she’s hot, but don’t tell my gal Cathy), I have wracked my brains to come up with five tips that could help Hsiao survive the six short weeks before the election on Feb. 27. Hell, they may even help her win a few more votes.
1. Don’t sell your Taipei apartment
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