Sat, Nov 18, 2006 - Page 8 News List

Johnny Neihu's Mailbag

It's no accident that Li Ao exposed himself (photographically) in the legislature: He's been letting it all out hang out for years. And at least he's got something resembling a platform, unlike certain mayoral candidates we could name.

More power to the nude

Dear Johnny,

What's up with independent Legislator Li Ao (李敖) and his oversized nude portrait in the legislature? I mean, how embarrassing. He should be embarrassed by what he lacks in the picture. He should have at least doctored up certain parts of his anatomy so the viewer might at least think he had something to show!

How in the world is this supposed to block weapons purchases? Now if someone like KMT Taipei City Council candidate Chin Li-fang (秦儷舫) stepped up there with a life-size nude of herself, I might pay attention.

I can just imagine someone like US Democratic Senator Ted Kennedy showing up in the Senate with a life-size nude of himself, thinking it might have some effect on administration policy (other than scaring the hell out of everyone).

One thing you can say for Taiwanese politics: It certainly is entertaining.

Sam Small

Johnny replies: It gets better. Many of my readers may not be too familiar with the carnal past (and presumably present) of everybody's favorite scholar-cum-headkicker, the inestimable Li Ao. But if you check out his autobiography you can read about his sex life in rattling detail. He even includes pictures for your reference: his same nude pose, as well as some Western ladies who would look up at him from the pages of a magazine when he only had himself to play with.

But more credit to him. I've always been a sucker for the "horny scholar" sub-genre of the formerly vibrant Hong Kong film industry. It moves me deeply to think that Li Ao is keeping his end up on behalf of all those sorrowful students pining for a fox demon in the guise of a human seductress.

Platform-free zone

Dear Johnny,

Got this line out of the Taipei Times this week for KMT Taipei mayoral candidate Hau Lung-bin's (郝龍斌) election blog aimed at hoodwinking anyone who's dumb enough to log on in the first place:

"`Voters are not that attracted by campaign platforms, so we first posted Hau's personal stories and experiences on the [first] blog to give voters a better understanding of his character,' said [Web site director] Tso, who declined to give his Chinese name" ("Mayoral candidates seek votes in the blogosphere," Nov. 14, page 4).

Yeah, true, voters aren't attracted to the campaign platforms, but then again, it's hard to be attracted to a woman you've never seen. When do you think these guys will release their platforms? About a month after the election?

Unfortunately on this rock, "election" and "platform" only refer to people on stages with horns yelling "Dim di-you-ah!!!" and not to a set of coherent plans they might adopt after buying the election with the help of their gangster patrons.

Lastly, why would the guy be afraid to give his Chinese name? What's he hiding? Rotting KMT money hidden underneath the floorboards?

Michael Faass

Johnny replies: Try not to get carried away, Michael. Taiwanese are traditionally reticent about giving their names to media organizations. With all the wankers who work for them, wouldn't you be?

But rest easy, my friend, because at least Mr Tso had the courtesy of offering his English name (Tony). So now you can ask for him personally and put it to him that the foundations of KMT headquarters in Bade Road are filled with NT$1,000 bills. But I'm telling you, you won't find any floorboards. Tiles, maybe.

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