Most university students break up with a partner over text message, while both sides tend to evade communication, a survey by the Good Shepherd Welfare Foundation found yesterday, as it warned that improper communication increases the chance of conflict.
The foundation administered two separate surveys — one to people who initiated a breakup and another to those who were broken up with.
Among initiators, 41 percent broke the news by texting, while 32 percent met face-to-face, the foundation said in a news release.
Photo: Fang Wei-chieh, Taipei Times
Another 18 percent spoke over the phone, 8 percent cut off contact and 1 percent asked an intermediary to pass along the message.
About half of the initiators said they used personal judgements about their relationship to communicate a breakup, such as “it is not suitable,” or there is “no emotion,” while 24 percent gave vague or abstract reasons, such as saying: “You can find someone you are more compatible with.”
Only about 21 percent of the participants adopted a positive tone and gave specific reasons, such as citing different life goals or values, or saying it would be “better for us both.”
About 6 percent used negative expressions of discontent, such as accusing their partner of “suffocating” them or saying “I never liked you.”
Among those who were broken up with, half said they received a text message, 17 percent said they spoke over the phone and 16 percent said they met in person.
About 9 percent of the respondents who were broken up with said their partner suddenly broke off contact, 4 percent spoke to an intermediary and 4 percent gave other reasons, including the partner using emotional abuse to force a breakup.
In the aftermath, half felt wronged and engaged in self-examination, while 23 percent repeatedly tried to contact their partner and 37 percent avoided discussing the issue.
The foundation said that 18 percent of the participants said they would consider retaliating if they feel disrespected by sharing their grievances online or through emotional blackmail.
College is a time when many couples start to consider and prepare for marriage, said Ting Shu-hui (丁淑惠), director of the violence prevention and social work unit of the foundation’s Taichung center.
Learning to recognize the effects of violence, safe ways to express emotions and how to seek help are key to avoiding conflict, she said, adding that breakups can lead to violent outcomes if not handled well.
The survey found that only 21 percent of those who were broken up with positively communicated their feelings, with the rest choosing avoidance, Ting said.
Triggered by the stressful situation, it is common for one side to avoid while the other pursues answers, Ting said.
However, this lack of empathy and communication can easily lead to misunderstandings, which can make the relationship even worse or result in conflict, she said.
When ending a relationship, it is important to say a proper farewell so each party can move on, she said.
First, couples should take stock of their feelings and reasoning to ease any feelings of shock or panic, she said.
Next, they should work together to accept the facts, resolve negative emotions and eventually let go of the attachment so that both sides can move on, she added.
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