If we are to believe the NFL version of Shockey-Toomer (the touchdowns, not the medical procedure), the phone conversation with Seahawks coach Mike Holmgren must have gone something like this:
NFL office: Reviewing the film of Sunday's game, Mike, discloses that, um, a couple of mistakes were made.
Holmgren: You mean the bad calls on both the TD catches by the Giants?
PHOTO: AP
NFL: Mistakes were made.
Holmgren: I know that. What does that mean?
NFL: It means what it means.
Holmgren: "Mistakes were made" was what Reagan said about Iran-contra.
NFL: He was a fine president.
Holmgren: I know that. Who made what mistakes?
NFL: We've told you what you need to know. Should you be caught or killed, the commissioner will disavow any knowledge (click).
Contrary to past policy, the NFL seems to be going the full Pentagon when it comes to transparency.
Holmgren had a conversation Monday with Mike Pereira, the league's head of officials, who indicated that, despite lengthy reviews during the game, officials erred in not smiting the scoring receptions of the Giants' Jeremy Shockey and Amani Toomer.
Holmgren didn't specify the errors, but he did say he was told mistakes were made. Reporters didn't take long to figure out which plays were in question. When the stories came out Tuesday, the NFL made like Aunt Bea spotting a mouse in her underwear drawer.
The NFL was in such a dither over the stories that Holmgren apparently is in line for a fine, which he suggested Wednesday would deny his children Christmas gifts.
Never mind that he was snickering when he said it. If the hat is passed starting now, his chilluns won't go needin'.
It's a worthy cause. Because if Giants placekicker Jay Feely had aim better than Elmer Fudd, Seahawks fans would not only be sizzling, they would be taken for saps.
The NFL office has a custom of re-reviewing controversial plays and rendering opinions Monday to the affected teams. Over the years it seemed that in nearly all cases, the re-review upheld the calls on the field. Occasionally, they didn't.
In his time in Seattle, Holmgren, when asked, would disclose the league's take. To cite an example from 2003, the NFL admitted to him its officials erred in giving the Baltimore Ravens an extra 30 seconds on the game clock late in the game. The Ravens used the time to complete a game-tying drive with a field goal, then went on to win in overtime.
The Seahawks and their fans were furious. But in the long run, the public disclosure enhanced the league's credibility. The admission never changes anything, of course, but it does affirm that the aggrieved party and its witnesses were neither insane nor ignorant.
The NFL was the only league that regularly engaged in such disclosure. No one involved in mistakes enjoys the subsequent criticism. But in rational moments, most fans find virtue in knowing, rather than not knowing, and the league appears to have done the honorable thing. Occasionally a controversy creates a rule clarification or change that benefits all.
But now it seems that the NFL no longer can stand such scrutiny. Sometime after last season, the NFL, according to league sources, issued a memo to coaches saying that dialogue between coaches and league officials over game calls is private.
That's why Holmgren admitted to "messing up," saying Wednesday, "What I should have said was, `Yeah, I talked to the league, but our conversation was confidential.'"
Since the Seahawks won, few cared except Holmgren's sniffling kids, and I already see US$10 in the office hat we're passing.
What if the Seahawks had lost?
Players would have felt robbed, fans would have raged, and complaints would have pounded down on the NFL for the pointlessness of a replay system that eats up a part of a day and still doesn't get it right.
An unpleasant round of rhetoric, to be sure. But so what? Is the fan base so coddled and lame that, as Jack Nicholson once put it cinematically, it can't handle the truth?
By its devotion to replay, the NFL is more committed than any sport to making its field decisions as accurate as possible. Yes, replay can be tedious and annoying, and sometimes it still gets calls wrong, as on Sunday. But there's no logical option.
Those who dismiss replay by using the humanity of error as a part of the game are romanticizing simple shortcomings: Being out of position, or an inability to process accurately movements of extremely fast, large athletes. The shortcomings can be minimized (not eliminated) with technology.
Where's the romance in sports wrongness? To err is human, but to keep it up is stupid.
Now it appears the NFL is unwilling to enhance its devotion to accuracy by continuing its experiment with honesty. A league whose officials get it right 98 percent of the time hardly needs to be ashamed of the other 2 percent.
A mistake in front of one of the nation's largest TV audiences last week is a little hard to hide. Fining people for quoting the truth about it is a little silly. And thwarting Christmas for the kids, well.
The hat is up to US$15.
At the start of the season, these old rivals shaped up as potentially good but not elite teams. They are not elite yet, but they are tied for the lead in the NFC East, so this game appears vital in the playoff picture.
As coach Bill Parcells of the Dallas Cowboys (7-4) said, "We're going to be the masters of our fate. If we can play well in the next month or so, we'll be in it."
On Thanksgiving Day, the Cowboys held the Broncos' mighty running game to 89 yards and still lost in overtime. The Cowboys' four losses have all been close: by one point to the Redskins, six to the Raiders, three to the Seahawks and three to the Broncos.
Last Sunday against the Seahawks, the New York Giants (7-4) won everything except the overtime game. They outgained the NFL's No. 1 offense, 490 yards to 355. Eli Manning passed for 344 yards and Tiki Barber ran for 151.
But the Giants self-destructed. In the final minutes, Jay Feely missed three field goals. The offensive line was called for 11 false starts: five by Luke Petitgout and three by David Diehl. A baffled coach Tom Coughlin said, "We get 490 yards and score only 21 points. It doesn't make any sense. In order to have a chance to win, you have to stop beating yourself."
Cincinnati (8-3) at Pittsburgh (7-4)
In the Bengals' last two games, against the good defenses of the Colts and the Ravens, Carson Palmer passed for six touchdowns and the offense totaled 79 points and 929 yards.
The Steelers may be reeling from Monday night's loss to the Colts, their worst loss beating in more than two years. They couldn't run effectively and couldn't stop the run, and quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, returning after missing three games following arthroscopic knee surgery, was rusty.
As coach Bill Cowher said, "They smothered us."
Denver (9-2) at Kansas City (7-4)
The Broncos' fourth straight victory came on Thanksgiving Day when third-string tailback Ron Dayne rushed for 98 yards against the Cowboys. Now, at best, Dayne will share time with Mike Anderson and Tatum Bell.
When the Chiefs beat the Patriots, Larry Johnson rushed for 119 yards, his fourth straight 100-yard game. The Broncos seem a sure bet for the playoffs.
The Chiefs face a tough road because they must play five winning teams: the Broncos, the Cowboys, the Giants, the Chargers and the Bengals.
Atlanta (7-4) at Carolina (8-3)
The Falcons, fighting to stay in the playoff chase, routed the Lions on Michael Vick's two touchdown passes to Alge Crumpler and Warrick Dunn's 116 yards rushing.
The Panthers slipped past the Bills, holding them to 216 yards and allowing only three field goals in three trips to the red zone.
Although the Falcons are 4-1 on the road, they play their three remaining away games against the Panthers, the Bears and the Buccaneers, all fellow playoff contenders. Home field could make the difference here.
Seattle (9-2) at Philadelphia (5-6)
The Seahawks have won seven in a row, and they beat the Giants in overtime although the Giants outplayed them offensively and defensively. The Seahawks lead the NFC West by four games and can clinch the division title by winning here. The Eagles had lost four straight until they hung on against the Packers.
Green Bay (2-9) at Chicago (8-3)
When the Packers lost to the Eagles, they were assured of their first losing season since Brett Favre became starting quarterback in 1992. The Bears beat the Buccaneers, running their winning streak to seven games, and their defense keeps getting better.
The doctor accused of writing illegal steroid prescriptions for three former Carolina Panthers advised the players how to take the drugs without failing league tests, The State reported on Friday.
A judge heard tape-recorded conversations on Thursday between Dr. James Shortt and the three players, in which Shortt details how he could help them avoid being detected for performance-enhancing drugs, the newspaper reported.
In a consultation with former Panthers punter Todd Sauerbrun, on June 24, 2003, Shortt said, "You came to me ... wanting some performance enhancement. We can do that -- legal performance enhancement -- because you're drug tested in your profession."
US District Judge Joe Anderson also heard a tape of a consultation with former tight end Wesley Walls on Feb. 18, 2003.
"Now here's the key," Shortt said. "You want to use a natural testosterone. You do not want to use testosterone or any kind of Depo [testosterone injection] because that's how they test you. They look for the Depo. ... I can triple your testosterone levels without blowing any whistles."
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