The commentary on board the coach carrying Britain's first-ever delegation of official Chinese tourists on Tuesday was possibly suffering a little in translation. At the front, a Mandarin-speaking Blue Badge Guide was running through the sites. At my elbow, Jiang Jiqiang (蔣繼強) from the Beijing Youth Daily was translating: "She said Queen is 79. She say she is old lady. She say she looks like her mother."
On the Embankment, he first points out County Hall.
"Mrs Thatcher she closed this castle. Shut." And then a CCTV camera. "Many cameras!" he says. "Many terrorists!"
Which wasn't quite the message that Visit Britain, the body responsible for promoting the UK overseas, was hoping this group would take back home. They were supposed to be enjoying what Lord Marshall had told them at a special breakfast at the Victoria and Albert Museum: "Britain -- the brand."
To back the point up, each visitor had been given a goody bag representing this image of a modern, go-ahead Britain: a Harrods carrier bag, a can of London Pride beer, a cuddly lion, a CD of Chicago -- The Musical and a mug.
But they were carrying a certain burden of expectation on their shoulders. Until now, it has only been possible for Chinese visitors to come here on a student or business visa. But six months ago the UK was granted approved destination status by China, and the first group of tour operators, journalists and holidaymakers arrived yesterday for a week-long jaunt to London, Stratford, Manchester and Edinburgh. In the second week running in which visitor numbers to the capital fell, there was no mistaking the excitement that the trip was generating.
"It's brilliant, really brilliant." says James Bradbury, the manager of Madame Tussauds. "We've done a lot of research into China. It's our No. 1 emerging market. You can't overestimate how important it will be. We already have an attraction in Hong Kong, so we know who they like. It's why we moved Victoria next to David Beckham. We did that today especially for them."
Even the most conservative estimates predict that the current 95,000 Chinese visitors who come to Britain each year will double by 2010. And it's thought that by 2020 they will be in the top five nationalities visiting Britain, right up there with the Americans and the Japanese.
Which is why it wasn't merely a waxwork model of Victoria Beckham that had been laid on: The real, live, Duke of York was hosting a gala dinner for the group at the Tower of London, catered by the chefs from Hakkasan, the capital's only Michelin-starred Chinese restaurant.
"What we really need to do though is to update the country's image," says Travis Qian (
Jiang Jiqiang's recounting of the pre-Duke briefing seems to back this up: "They say, don't take the photo! Don't shake the hand! Don't embrace! Forbidden everything!"
He wasn't the only one to have noticed a certain inconsistency in "Britain -- the brand." At lunch, at the Phoenix Palace restaurant near Madame Tussauds, journalist Ma Tianguo starts asking some potentially tricky questions: "So, how is your country so democratic if you have a monarchy?"
"Well, Ma," I say, "we have what is called a constitutional monarchy. You see the Queen doesn't really have any power."
Ma nods.
"Can you tell me please the difference between `vote-rigging' in Chinese elections, and `appointing a governor' as the British did in Hong Kong? Excuse me to ask, but is this what you call double standards?" he asks.
He does, however, point to similarities between Britain and China that he thought would help to warm relations between the two countries.
"Our press is pretty free," he says. "We are like you. We don't write bad articles about the president like you don't like bad articles about the Queen."
But the holidaymakers, who had paid ?1,200 (US$2,100) for the trip -- equivalent to the annual salary of an average Chinese worker -- were also saying the sort of things that chief executives of British tourist attractions dream about.
Lin Li shows no signs of flagging despite the rain dripping down her neck.
"What do you think of London, Lin Li?"
"I am very lucky dog to be here! This is American English. It means I am very lucky lady indeed."
"How have you found the British so far?"
"Very helpful and kindly and warm-hearted. For example, yesterday, when we arrived at the hotel and were waiting for the lift, a woman, she pressed the button for me! And then when I entered the room, the lights had no power, and a man came to put them on!"
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