There I was last week, relaxing on my massage chair, chewing a few watermelon seeds and getting my nightly fix of Here Come Kang and Hsi (康熙來了), when up popped a rather interesting commercial for the Taiwan Foundation for Democracy.
There stood the chairman of said foundation, Legislative Speaker Wang Jin-pyng (王金平), acting all statesman-like and waxing lyrical about the "deepening of Taiwan's democracy," set to a background of suitably dramatic music. Bit of a conflict of interest, one would think, being a member of the Chinese Nationalist Party (KMT) and the chairman of a democracy foundation, but what the hell.
Anyway, as it finished, my gal Cathy Pacific and I turned to each other and said, at exactly the same time, "He's going to run for president."
Now Cathy and I don't usually agree on much, and Wang is usually coyer than a local celebrity being questioned over smoking wacky baccy. But if that ad hasn't laid Wang's presidential ambition barer than a veteran protester outside the former Chiang Kai-shek Memorial Hall (now retitled "Tomb of Democracy") then I'm the Yellow Emperor.
I'm not a betting man -- well, apart from during the baseball season, and when I play mahjong with my buddies, and on the occasional freebie trip to Macau (courtesy of Cathy) -- but I'm willing to put money on a Wang bid after witnessing that.
Wang's demeanor in the commercial was a far cry from that of his nemesis: Witness the sweaty, grease-stained images of Ma "man of the people" Ying-jeou (馬英九) that we have been treated to during his oh-so-publicized 10-day "Tour de Taiwan."
I have a question. What's with the yellow jersey? Does Ma think he's winning something? Maybe he's been reading too many "opinion polls" in those stellar barometers of public sentiment, the China Times and the United Daily News.
And what happened to the "Great Jogger"? Was the thought of plodding his way from Kaohsiung to Taipei on foot just too much for the aging erstwhile marathon man, or was it because he just couldn't fit it in between the dates of his embezzlement trial?
But going back to Mr Legislative Speaker: What could possibly have pushed a normally obedient lifetime KMT loyalist like Wang to the point where he would seriously consider a rival bid?
Maybe he is feeling a bit miffed at the way the KMT's Mainlander hierarchy has bent over backwards to ensure a Ma candidacy at the expense of poor old native son Wang.
Wang stood by as the KMT repealed the party's "black gold" anti-corruption clause (introduced by Ma himself), and is standing by as it attempts to amend the Audit Law to retroactively redefine the nature of special allowances, so that even if boy wonder is found guilty, he will not have committed a crime. Wang must be fuming.
The straw that breaks the camel's back for Wang will be the KMT Central Standing Committee passing a resolution allowing only people with equine-sounding family names to run on the party ticket.
The KMT is truly getting a taste for changing things. Now we have Taipei City Mayor Hau Lung-bin (郝龍斌) announcing on Tuesday that the section of Ketagalan Boulevard adjacent to the Presidential Office will be renamed "Anti-Corruption Democracy Square" to commemorate last year's moron thumbathon.
Is it just me, or does the "democracy" part of the title appear to be an afterthought?
Anyway, with Taipei landmarks now being renamed to commemorate momentous political events, don't expect it to be too long before we see the main gate of the Tomb of Democracy renamed "The Gate of Heavenly Student Hunger Strikers," or the square outside Taipei Railway Station changed to "The Shih Ming-teh (施明德) Traffic Jam Memorial Plaza."
Hau's goons also managed to remove the huge canvasses covering the sides of the hall on Tuesday, using the scaffolding that had been left there by the workers who erected the canvas in the first place.
Scaffolding? What is wrong with these people?
Anyone who is anyone in this country knows that scaffolding is for wimps. They should have used the guys that installed the air-conditioning at Neihu Towers last year.
Like a cross between a lemur and a circus trapeze artist and without a thought for their own safety, these guys hopped out onto a flimsy rack 12 floors up to perform their vital service. So much for health and safety violations.
Talking of health and safety, looking at the numbers from last week's rejection at the annual World Health Assembly (WHA) jolly in Geneva was revealing to say the least.
Out of Taiwan 's 25 diplomatic allies only 17 voted in favor of our bid for World Health Organisation membership. Granted, one or two weren't entitled to vote, but we were symbolically stitched up good and proper by several of our fair-weather diplomatic friends, while others came out with excuses comparable to the schoolboy classic "Sorry miss, but a Formosan black bear ate my homework."
Topping the lot was the Marshall Islands' representative, who was confined to his hotel room with a "bad case of diarrhea." Must have been the fondue.
Taiwanese are nothing if not honest, and therefore we would appreciate a bit of honesty in return. But the Ministry of Foreign Affairs must have had a hard time distinguishing between a bad case of the shits (the Marshall Islands) and the truckload of bullshit that the Costa Ricans gave as their reason for voting against -- yes, against -- Taiwan.
Apparently, Costa Rica's ambassador to Geneva had just left his job and his successor had not assumed his new post, meaning Carlos Garbanzo Blanco, the representative filling in at the WHA meeting, did not understand the situation and voted against Taiwan.
Don't they have translators at the WHA?
All I can say is that it was a good job the clueless Carlos wasn't filling in at the UN and voting on a crucial war resolution.
Last week showed once and for all that in the realm of international diplomacy the adage "you get what you pay for" is king. And that, unfortunately for us, the over-developed coral reefs and banana republics that we choose to lavish money and aid on in return for support in the international community are about as reliable as a 7-Eleven umbrella.
A 7-Eleven umbrella made in China, that is.
Heard or read something particularly objectionable about Taiwan? Johnny wants to know: dearjohnny@taipeitimes.com is the place to reach me, with "Dear Johnny" in the subject line.
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