He sleeps in pyjamas, paints his walls yellow and over a year drinks 540 glasses of alcohol and has sex with his wife 117 times, as well as having erotic dreams 15 times a month.
She wears nighties to bed, likes baking, orchids and piling cuddly toys on the back of the sofa. She also has sex with her husband 117 times a year, consumes a total of 229 alcoholic beverages and dreams about sex five times a month. Together they have one child and shop at discount supermarkets such as Aldi or Lidl, three of which are located just five minutes away from their house.
Meet Mr and Mrs Average of Germany, whose profiles have been unveiled following the most comprehensive study ever to be carried out into the “typical German.”
Offering a unique insight into what makes Germans tick, the study by Der Spiegel magazine has revealed that, despite Germans’ oft-expressed desire to be different, the behavior of most is in fact highly predictable. Gathering its data from statistics, opinion polls, home interviews and sales information, it concludes that the nation is more homogeneous than it has ever been.
The average Teuton family goes on holiday for two weeks a year, mainly within Germany, although their favorite destination is Majorca. He (45 years old) is 1.77m, she 1.63m. He is invariably overweight (83.5kg) while she (67kg and 42 years old) has mid-length hair, has sole responsibility for running the household and likes horoscopes and diet books. They both like Harry Potter.
Their favorite dishes are lentils, curry wurst (sausage covered in curry powder and ketchup) and spatzle — egg pasta and schnitzel.
The results of the survey reveal such an overwhelmingly uniform society that they have prompted fears that the country has fallen into a pit of monotony and dullness. It has come as a shock to Germans to find that, while they might think they are being refreshingly individualistic, they are actually, in large part, leading parallel lives.
“The situation is paradoxical,” commented Der Spiegel in a cover story that was dedicated to “the average German.”
“In an age when total individuality is celebrated by some and painted as the source of all evil by others, a creeping uniformity is taking hold,” the magazine said. “We make our decisions far more uniformly than we believe, some stemming from forced necessity and others reached completely of our own free will. Even the greatest individualist, convinced that he is one of a kind, measures his happiness against the average person.”
The extraordinarily detailed survey, which delves into everything from the average car color to how often Germans masturbate and what direction they take when they enter a supermarket, paints a portrait of a society which yearns for familiarity and for the necessities of life to be close to hand. It does not appear to be one which particularly craves innovation, novelty or new climes.
The study concludes that “after turbulent centuries and catastrophic decades we have arrived in a state of a moderate, average democracy,” in which being “lost in the crowd” and “public order” are in fact what citizens most desire.
What comes out in the end is a portrait of a people who are well-fed, well-educated, fairly satisfied and generally modest.
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