So, the World Cup is with us again and all the old memories come flooding back.
Spain 1982, unknown striker Paolo Rossi’s hat-trick knocks out the Brazil of Socrates, Falcao and Zico. Mexico 1986 and Diego Maradona’s “Goal of the Century” against Johnny’s beloved England. Italy 1990, Roger Milla’s corner-flag dance and Gazza’s tears. France 1998 and the conspiracy theories behind Ronaldo’s appearance in the final. South Korea’s run to the semis in 2002.
Germany 2006 … wasn’t that good, was it?
These are Johnny’s memories, but not those of apparent World Cup expert Taipei Mayor Hau Lung-bin, as quoted in this very paper on Tuesday.
“We have seen some real ‘classic’ scenes at the World Cup, including Diego Maradona’s ‘Hand of God’ goal and Zinedine Zidane’s head-butt,” Hau said.
That’s the way the Chinese Nationalist Party (KMT) like it, apparently, watching people cheating.
I can just see them now, President Marky-Mark Ma and Hau sitting cheering as Thierry Henry’s blatant handball knocked Ireland out of the World Cup finals, a piece of cheating that even FIFA president Sepp Blatter, normally fence-sitter-in-chief, described as “blatant unfair play.”
Hau is not alone, however, with numerous references to Maradona’s “genius” — the guy punched the ball into the net for heaven’s sake — whereas poor old Henry has been berated wherever he goes ever since.
Justice, there ain’t no justice in people.
CULTURAL WASTELAND
So here we are, a month-long footie-fest to look forward to in South Africa and Johnny will be here every Saturday to cast a critical eye over the previous week’s proceedings, all viewed from the relative discomfort of a fan cast adrift in this cultural wasteland when it comes to all things to do with the beautiful game.
So, whiling away the days before the pointless and dreary opening ceremony is over (I haven’t seen it, but they always are, aren’t they?), Johnny decided to check on his mate William Hill and run the rule over the runners and riders.
Ivory Coast are the top dogs from Africa. Last weekend they were 20-1 shots, but Didier Drogba’s arm-knack has seen them drift out to 50-1. Despite being lumbered with the “Group of Death” and losing their talismanic striker, they’re still the best bet from Africa, although 50-1 tells you the bookies don’t fancy them much ... and Johnny’s never met a poor bookie.
Apart from that, the usual suspects are up there with a shout.
France may be worth a shot at 20-1 as long as they concentrate on the competition and aren’t phoning for a “special” massage every five minutes from their “too flash” hotel, which seems to have got steam coming out of the ears of the French junior sports minister.
Reigning champions Italy are available at 16-1, but with a defense more leaky than a BP oil well, I’m inclined to give them a miss.
“Never rule out” the Germans, who are 14-1, but it remains to be seen if they can cut it after having their Ballack removed.
Johnny’s tip for an outside punt would be the Dutch at 10-1. As long as the usual infighting doesn’t break out, they could be a team to watch over the next month and, frankly, if it isn’t England, I’d like it to be the men in orange.
Spain are red-hot favorites at 4-1 and rightly so. As long as Torres and Villa stay fit they’ll score goals and they will be hard to beat.
Brazil, at 9-2, always seem to come good in World Cup year. Dunga’s men may not play the “samba” footie we have come to expect from Brazil, but they’ll be there or thereabouts.
Now this is where Johhny’s going to stick his neck out.
Third favorites at 13-2 are Argentina. Argentina?
They may have Lionel Messi, but they also have one Diego Maradona as coach. Coach.
This is a man who, undoubtedly, was one of the best players to ever walk the Earth, but got sent home from the 1994 World Cup in the US for doping and almost died from a cocaine overdose in 2004. Alcohol-related illnesses and ballooning weight followed.
FIDEL CASTRO
The answer: Get your stomach stapled, go to Cuba and learn to be a revolutionary from Fidel Castro.
In 2007, Maradona appeared on Venezuelan President and anti-US firebrand Hugo Chavez’s Alo Presidente, saying: “I hate everything that comes from the United States. I hate it with all my strength.”
Apart from the drugs he picked up in 1994, obviously.
Now, bearded revolutionary Maradona has reinvented himself as coach of the Argentina national team, but not everybody’s convinced.
“I am critical of his irresponsible team selection and I’m still of the view that he was a strange choice as national team manager,” 1978 World Cup winner and former player and vocalist with “Tottingham” Hotspur, Ossie Ardiles, said in an article for Britain’s the Daily Telegraph. “Diego won’t think so. He sees himself as the ‘Chosen One’ and believes his destiny on Earth is to win the World Cup as a player and as a manager, but so far he has clearly not been successful as a manager. We qualified for these World Cup finals by the skin of our teeth and with plenty of luck.”
OK, Ardiles might have been sacked as Spurs manager after they finished 15th in the league in a season when he insisted on playing with five — count them: five — up front, but then this story broke, as reported in this very rag on April 1 (no, it wasn’t).
“Diego Maradona suffered an unexpected interruption to his World Cup preparations on Tuesday when he was bitten in the face by one of his pet dogs. Plastic surgeons repaired his upper lip after the Argentina coach was admitted to the Los Arcos clinic in Buenos Aires with bloody wounds caused by a Chinese shar-pei called Bela.”
He can’t even train his dog — what chance has he got with 23 players? I rest my case.
So what of 8-1 fourth favorites England, Johnny, I hear you cry.
GLUE
Well, the curse of the captain struck again. Rio Ferdinand’s knee-knack means no dancing on the sand this summer and his probable replacement Ledley King’s knee is in such a bad way that if he were a horse he’d probably be glue by now, but we’ve still got Wayne Rooney and Johnny would just like to make a plea to the England striker: Wayne, with your hair retreating faster than a French army division on battle maneuvers, leave it alone, let the rest grow and grow.
With a Manchester United player running around for England at the World Cup with an old-fashioned comb-over, you never know.
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