Three weeks ago, the burning issue in Quentin Richardson's basketball life was how he could help the Knicks win some games. A week ago, the pressing issue in Tony's Dungy's football life was whether his Indianapolis Colts would remain undefeated.
But in the split second of a phone call bearing tragic news, a player's life and a coach's world were turned inside out.
Earlier this month, during a West Coast swing, Richardson learned that his brother Lee had been shot to death on the South Side of Chicago. On Thursday, Dungy, one of the most respected coaches in professional football, learned that his 18-year-old son, James, had died.
I've always thought that the most difficult part of being a high-profile athlete is living one's life on a stage, having to deal with sorrow in public. Each of us has our burdens to bear. Coaches and athletes bear theirs in public -- and not always before a sympathetic audience.
Dr. Joan S. Ingalls, a sports counselor in New York, says that grieving takes many forms in sports. It can happen when a career ends, whether to injury, advancing age or poor performance.
"Sport counselors see grieving, and I think it is different because athletes do consider the impact on their fans and the general public of their grieving," Ingalls wrote in an e-mail message Friday. "I think that they feel more humiliated by a loss because they are used to being in control, and a loss means that something happened that they couldn't control."
In Dungy's case, Ingalls said, he could face an even tougher situation because his son apparently committed suicide. "I think it's possible that the public will be judgmental about what kind of father he was," she said. "That has to make grieving harder."
No matter how empathetic the sporting public tries to be, the overriding concern for most fans is how each deed or misdeed, each heroic act or tragedy, will affect the outcome of a game.
The player and the coach are left to grieve on their own.
"It's so difficult to grieve outwardly while everyone is watching," said Dr. Leif H. Smith, a sports psychologist in Hilliard, Ohio.
"We all grieve in our own way, and it's very unpredictable," Smith said in a telephone interview. "Some people just shut down. Some people are able to quickly move through it. Some people grieve and are just a mess for a while, then they gather themselves. So the process that these athletes go through is the exact same."
But the context is what makes it more difficult, he said, for public figures: "It's very hard to go through the same stages, because you have to process it in the public eye."
Smith's company, Personal Best Consulting, works with a number of colleges, including Ohio State and Iowa. His clients include a number of pro athletes.
If there is an advantage for athletes, it is that they can more visibly memorialize a loved one. We've seen athletes tape num-bers and names on uniforms and pay tribute to friends and family members with tattoos.
"Athletes have a venue in which they can put their grieving and their energy," Smith said. "Athletes can actually go out and play for that person. They can go out, and they can grieve on the field. They can go out and pound somebody, or you can go out and score 40 points. You can go out and physically do something to work through their trauma."
In the days since Richardson lost his brother and in the wake of the Dungy tragedy, I've heard a number of athletes and coaches say that a terrible event can help put priorities in order. What they mean is that coaches and players pour tremendous amounts of themselves into the game, sometimes to the detriment of personal relationships. A tragedy can help them refocus.
But I don't know that you need to experience a family member's sudden death to have things put in perspective. From everything I know about Tony Dungy, his priorities are in order.
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