Wed, Nov 02, 2016 page8

• Forcing a ‘normal’ family structure

  • By Huang Kai-hsiang 黃楷翔
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  The caucuses of the parties in the legislature have submitted their versions of marriage rights legislation.

  One of the issues that has been most vehemently opposed is the issue of adoption and parental rights. Those who are opposed to adoption by gay couples say that children are not gifts or rewards, and that no one can adopt or have children just because they want to. They use this argument to oppose the extension of parental rights to gay families.

  However, if the argument were correct, it would imply that serious consideration should also be given to whether heterosexual but unmarried couples should be allowed to have or adopt children.

  Regardless of whether people are talking about gay or heterosexual families, any couple thinking about having children will have to consider whether they really want to have a child. In other words, the basic argument of those who are opposed to the issue is that for children, growing up in a family with a father and a mother is better than growing up with gay parents.

  Another argument that keeps popping up among those who are opposed to gay parental rights is that people must not ignore the emotional impact on children.

  They usually follow up on this argument by saying that when children of gay families interact with outsiders, it would be difficult for them to explain their family situation, and that they therefore must grow up in a family with a mother and a father to avoid discrimination.

  First, this line of argumentation hurts single-parent families, but it also hurts any kind of non-traditional family, for example families where children grow up with their grandparents or children of immigrant families.

  The question is if there really is such a thing as a “normal” family structure. Could it not be that “difference” is the normal state of affairs?

  If opponents of gay parental rights really are concerned about children being treated differently and wrongly, they should give serious consideration to why it is socially acceptable to treat someone differently and in a harmful way just because they are different.

  A truly harmonious society is not created by prescribing a “normality” template, but by teaching children to understand and appreciate other people for their uniqueness instead of discriminating against them just because they are different.

  If that were the case, the uniqueness of any child would be allowed and accepted, and that would naturally lead to the disappearance of the discrimination that those who are opposed to gay parental rights are so worried about. The very opposition to same-sex marriage rights is an example of this situation: A group of people who are is different from the majority having their rights restricted.

  Those opposed to gay parental rights say that children who grow up in families with two parents of the same sex will lack appropriate gender role models and that they will be unable to develop a male or female identity.

  This argument shows that in their mind, only families with a husband and a wife will be able to help children develop a gender identity, but they forget that the people and experiences that children encounter outside of the family household as they grow up are equally important.

  The development of an identity does not occur inside the family alone. On the contrary, it often develops gradually as the child interacts with the outside world and is able to compare the differences between themselves and other people.

  Whether a family would make a child develop an identity is not only dependent on the makeup of the family. The quality of the upbringing is more important as is the question of whether the child is encouraged to explore both the outside world and their inner awareness, thus making that a part of their identity formation.

  The American Psychological Association as early as 2005 said that the conclusions of empirical psychological studies show no differences in the psychological development of children of gay families when compared with children of heterosexual families.

  My practical experience has also showed me that as children grow up, a safe, stable and nourishing environment is important for the internal development of the ability to trust others. With a fully developed sense of trust, people would have an internal security base that would give them the confidence to interact with others, which, in turn, produces an adaptive personality development.

  A family with a husband and wife is not a necessary condition to bring up healthy children. The key condition is a loving environment.

  Huang Kai-hsiang is executive director of the Kaohsiung City Association of Counseling Psychologists.

  Translated by Perry Svensson
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