That’s the trouble when putting your thoughts on paper for public consumption: You set yourself up for a fall when you get things wrong. So I pen this column with tail firmly between the legs after predicting last time around that the Democratic Progressive Party (DPP) would shoot itself in the foot in the weeks approaching the Jan. 14 election.
It turned out my crystal ball was upside down and that it was the Chinese Nationalist Party’s (KMT) campaign that imploded when its farcical attempt to tar DPP presidential candidate Tsai Ing-wen (蔡英文) with the corruption brush failed in spectacular fashion, leaving the “Emperor of Exposes,” Chiu Yi (邱毅), with a dinosaur-sized egg on his face — not that the shameless charlatan cares one iota.
However, even my prediction pales in comparison to the comical prophecy provided by entertainment queen and rabid KMT supporter Pai Ping-ping (白冰冰). Her long-time hatred of the DPP’s 2008 presidential candidate, Frank Hsieh (謝長廷), is well-documented. Nevertheless, Pai last week suggested, citing Thailand’s recent experience, that if Taiwan were to elect a woman president, then it too could be inundated with flood waters.
I haven’t seen Pai on TV much recently — she has probably followed the rest of Taiwan’s washed up “artistes” and is earning her GMO corn across the Strait these days; but if she’s ever strapped for cash, I hear the Central Weather Bureau is always looking for people.
Come to think of it, President Ma Ying-jeou (馬英九) could have done with Pai’s forecasting talents a couple of years ago ahead of Typhoon Morakot.
While we’re on the subject of Morakot, it appears Ma is increasingly desperate for achievements to boast about if his latest campaign claim is anything to go by.
On the stump in Tainan this week, Ma proclaimed that thanks to his government — and Matsu — zero people have perished this year in typhoons.
That’s probably because the strongest winds we’ve had this year wouldn’t have blown Chiu Yi’s wig off. Sorry, Ma, but you still have some way to go before you can start claiming credit for preventing typhoon deaths.
Making this kind of incredulous claim comes easy to someone like Ma, given he has spent his whole life peddling the myth that his beloved KMT is still the legitimate government of the whole of China — the Republic of China, that is.
This despite the fact that to the majority of the world the Republic of China exists in what can only be described as a vegetative state, but most people are either totally unaware of the fact or have long forgotten about it.
There is something unique about the DNA of true-blue KMTers that allows them to look past the facts, present a twisted fantasy as the truth and then expect everyone to believe it.
Another crucial component of KMT DNA is the utter inability to admit defeat — a quality that manifested itself after the party’s presidential election defeats in 2000 and 2004.
I shouldn’t be surprised if we experience similar antics in a couple of weeks’ time, should they lose again.
However, should we really expect anything different from a party that still refuses to admit defeat in a war it lost more than 60 years ago? Will they ever wake up and smell the kafei?
According to sources, even the Chicoms are preparing a contingency in the event of a Ma loss and talking to representatives of the DPP behind the scenes.
Ma often likes to boast about how Taiwan’s democracy shines as an example to China. Isn’t it ironic that this time around it is the KMT that could learn something from China when it comes to accepting the results of a democratic election?
Joe Doufu is a Taipei-based satirist.
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