Give Taiwan one
Dear Johnny,
It’s uncanny how some of these old sayings are true.
“Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” said my wife as she waved goodbye to me on the way to spend a month with her mother.
Since then I have grown quite fond of my next-door neighbor. I actually gave her one on the living room carpet this morning.
JACK UNION
Johnny replies: Which just goes to show, these old sayings would be doing certain parties a favor by identifying all those involved. At Jack’s house, apparently, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder ... of the middle-aged lady who waters her pot plants in a singlet and shorts, exposing three tattoos and an unquenchable desire for neighborly trysts with foreign friends who have nothing better to do than watch neighbors lustily watering plants.”
While we’re on the subject of the escapades of insatiable neighbors, I’ve been giving serious thought to penning a column on Taiwan’s dangerously low birth rate. I mean, the problem is so serious that covert conceptions courtesy of next-door neighbors are not going to get us out of this fix.
So how serious is “so serious”?
It’s getting to the point where our social planners and unfaithful legislators are beginning to get the faintest idea of possibly considering for just one moment a program of immigration that isn’t tied to spousal interests and work incentives. Gasp!
In the meantime, my friend, before you get any ideas of inviting the Neihu family over to the house that Jack built, have your carpet steam cleaned, thank you very much.
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