Midnight meetings. Conspiracy theories. Leaked information from anonymous sources. Now this is an election.
The lead-up to today's vote was unexpectedly spiced up by revelations of a meeting on Friday last week between absentee People First Party (PFP) Chairman and independent mayoral candidate James Soong (
Rumors have swirled about an under-the-table "dump [KMT candidate] Hau Lung-bin (
KMT spokesman Huang Yu-chen (
He then demonstrated even more class by threatening that "If anybody should reveal [the meeting], I said I would curse him."
Someone get the garlic and holy water. Reveal our innocuous secret midnight meeting about post-election cooperation, will you? I'll grind your bones to make my bread.
Yes, it continues to be a love-hate relationship between Ma and Soong. Just when it seems they're getting along just fine, a one-time, late-night rendezvous suddenly inflames passions and makes everything complicated again. They talk about getting back together, but once the photographs surfaced, neither wanted to admit he may have been the one blabbering to friends.
Ma tried to downplay a photo in a Soong print advertisement in which the pair join hands as being taken "a long time ago." But Soong is still having a hard time moving on, saying that: "If elected mayor of Taipei, I promise to do my best to serve Taipei residents and support the KMT to win back power in the 2008 presidential election."
Strange, you would think he would help his own party, but maybe the PFP never actually meant anything to him. Maybe it was only to make the KMT jealous.
So where did the photographs of the meeting come from? Normally I would assume KMT Legislator Chiu Yi (
In a stunning reversal, Chiu finds himself the target of new sexual misconduct allegations. Bravo again, Democratic Progressive Party Legislator Tsai Chi-fang (蔡啟芳). Just when I thought your Taipei "Chinatown" proposal -- a ghetto for Mainlanders -- was the pinnacle of genius, you go and prove me wrong.
DPP mayoral candidate Frank Hsieh (
Hsieh, however, happily discredited himself by claiming the KMT was abandoning slam-dunk candidate Hau for old Jimbo, who is currently scrapping for votes with the likes of fashion guru Li Ao (
Oh yes, Frankie, wouldn't you just like the KMT to drop Hau. Former KMT chairman Lien Chan (
Hsieh tried Plan B on Tuesday, saying that an anonymous tip from someone's wife's dog's vet's mother's toy boy claimed that Soong would drop out of the race on Wednesday. Soong must have danced a jig: How easy it is to make Hsieh look an ass.
On Thursday, the China Post tittered with glee over Jimbo's tactical brilliance: "Of course, Soong was totally and absolutely sure that he was going to win the gamble. All he had to do was not withdraw. So Soong stayed on course to win the bet and made good on his threat [to sue Hsieh]."
And I am totally and absolutely sure that the China Post is my richest source for ridiculous quotes (this was from a news article, by the way, not an editorial).
Yes, cackling was heard in Soong's lair as the two main contenders fell over themselves treating him like a genuine candidate.
But what motivated Ma to meet Soong? Was it pity? Friendship? Incompetence? Um, that last one sounds about right.
All Ma has had to do is stay home and let the DPP beat itself in these elections. Yet poor Ma still panders to a bottom-feeding party that will be wiped out next year under the new electoral system. In fact, the dwindling membership of the PFP has already started crawling back to the womb. Legislators Lu Hsueh-chang (
Even Soong knows he and his PFP are doomed. He's too afraid to run as a PFP candidate even though he founded the damn party. Yet here he is, the belle of the ball, everybody trying to get a sit-down with him. DPP Chairman Yu Shyi-kun said on Wednesday that a meeting between the two fell through because Soong's conditions were "unacceptable." Question to the DPP chairman: what could possibly constitute an acceptable condition from this pox on Taiwan's house?
But Soong did make a brief flash of sense on Thursday, saying that: "The two parties [DPP and KMT] are panicking about losing the election, and so now they are losing their minds." For once, I agree.
And I recognize the irony of writing an article making fun of people for paying attention to Soong by writing a column about Soong, so don't bother pointing it out.
As for the Kaohsiung race, in case you were not aware, KMT candidate Huang Chun-ying's (
And what of our old friend Shih Ming-teh (
Shih says his trip down memory lane is to keep the fire of protest alive. Sounds a lot like unemployment to me.
Heard or read something particularly objectionable about Taiwan? Johnny wants to know: dearjohnny@taipeitimes.com is the place to reach me, with "Dear Johnny" in the subject line.
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