Tue, Jan 01, 2002 page19

• Asia's 2001 angst and pathos awards

  Honoring the great and near-great, these awards recognize those who have conceptualized the year's most foolish ideas, concepts and delusions of grandeur

  • By Patrick Smith / BLOOMBERG
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  This year gave us a "gate of fire," as Kofi Annan so eloquently put it when he accepted his Nobel earlier this month. But 2001 was made of more than tragedy, let us not forget.

  We no longer have to take the apostles of the new economy the least bit seriously. (And we no longer have to capitalize the phrase.) The nattering nabobs of neoliberalism and their extremist views may now be held to account in the court of reason; their zenith seems at last to have passed.

  

  Surrounded by New York City policemen and his own security, Taiwan President Chen Shui-bian arrives near New York's Waldorf-Astoria Hotel earlier this year. Chen's hubris for thinking trade relations between China and Taiwan could be normalized has won him a 2001 Patrick Smith angst and pathos award.

  PHOTO: NY TIMES

  Much to contemplate, then, as 2002 arrives. And to aid our year-end deliberations, we are pleased to announce the first Asia-Pacific Angst and Pathos awards.

  These are named, of course, for that colorful Southeast Asian bird, the nearly extinct apap, noted for its toucan-like beak and its rare capacity for original thinking. And they're brought to you this year by two proud sponsors: the Association of Retired Enron Chief Executives ("We bring bad ideas to their logical extreme") and the Hainan Tourist Authority ("Drop in any time, and don't forget our American plan").

  Let us begin in the foreign affairs category. Our first award is the George W. Bush Prize for destructive diplomacy, and it goes to ... George W. Bush, who took less than a day last March to derail the advance of detente on the Korean peninsula and make sure the Cold War goes on. To the president, a leaden apap and a scale replica of the 38th parallel.

  Our silver award in this category goes to Chen Shui-bian (陳水扁), Taiwan's president, for his government's worthy blueprint for improving ties to China. Released to little notice last August, the report by Chen's Economic Development Advisory Conference outlined a "middle way" for Taiwan in which economic and trade relations with the mainland can feasibly be normalized. To Chen, a silver apap and a complimentary weekend in a Fujian province hotel.

  Two prizes in the political category. The Fred Astaire Award for dexterity and sheer entertainment in a public place goes to ... the envelope, please ... Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi. Such commotion and (only apparent) motion, Mr. Prime Minister, such artistry -- all for the sake of the show. To you, a Teflon apap and this pair of patent leather tap shoes.

  Next is the Bill Clinton Prize for unrealized promise. Hotly competitive, this one, as it always and ever will be. But it was a cakewalk this year for ... Indonesia's former president, Abdurrahman Wahid. To His Erstwhile Excellency, an apap ice carving and a plane ticket to the irrelevant capital of his choice -- valid only in a moment of crisis, of course.

  We move now to the corporate category. The Mahathir bin Mohamad White Elephant Award goes to -- ah, a collective winner -- Enron International for the mess it will now leave behind at India's Dabhol Power Co. Here to present this award, a bundle of rupees shaped like an apap, is a former American ambassador to New Delhi who declines to be identified. And here to accept it is ... well, we're still waiting for someone to show up.

  The George Tan award for resume-padding and all-around misrepresentation of reality goes to Richard Li of Pacific Century Cyberworks. To Mr. Li, an apap fashioned of plastic flowers, a house in Hong Kong's Peak district he can't afford to occupy, and an honorary certificate of attendance at the Northwest Connecticut Community College. It's a fine start, Ricky.

  Several prizes in the merchant banking category. The Lee Kuan Yew Asian Values award goes to Goldman Sachs for its offensive performance as DBS Bank's advisers in Singapore.

  Accepting is Henry Paulson, Goldie's embarrassed chairman. To you, sir, a pink-skinned apap that perspires profusely in the sun and a new pair of yellow suspenders.

  The Bush Family Prize for outstanding conflicts of interest goes to Citigroup, which managed to lend Hynix Semiconductor 880 billion Korean won, advise Hynix through Salomon Smith Barney, and recommend the stock (also via SSB) all at once. To Citi, an apap that speaks only English out of both sides of its beak and a seat on the board of the Carlyle Group.

  Finally in this category, the Kuomintang Prize for hasty retreats goes to Merrill Lynch for its summary withdrawal of artillery and ground forces from the Western Pacific. Accepting this -- an apap-shaped rice cake and two weeks of career counseling -- is Ronald Strauss, Merrill's former generalissimo in Japan, who flew back from New York especially for this occasion.

  Several fine performances in Japan must now be honored. To David Atkinson at Goldman's Tokyo office, the Yanagisawa award for his influential reckoning of Japan's non-performing loan problem last summer. For Atkinson, an origami apap, six weeks of guaranteed immunity from regulatory investigations, and lunch with Financial Services chieftain Hakuo Yanagisawa.

  James Fiorillo at ING Barings in Tokyo walks away with the Courtis prize (Ken himself is far too busy to receive these kind of things anymore) for best and most consistent analysis of financial institutions. For Jimbo, an apap with a built-in calculator and tea with Financial Services chieftain Hakuo Yanagisawa.

  Last but far from least in this category, for his thoughtful, against-the-orthodoxy take on the Japanese financial system, the Hirobumi Ito prize goes to Stephen Church of Analytica Japan. For Stephen, a beer mug of German crystal in the shape of an apap and a very long evening of extremely expensive geisha entertainment some place in Shinjuku with Financial Services chieftain Hakuo Yanagisawa.

  A couple of individual awards before our grand finale. For the best overall analysis of Asian developments, the Far Eastern Economic Review Memorial Prize goes to Walden Bello of Focus on the Global South. Through Focus's Bangkok Web site, Bello has covered everything from Korean diplomacy to the recent WTO meeting in Doha with originality, clear-eyed perspective, and intellectual authority. For Mr. Bello, a silver apap and an air ticket to the next anti-Davos gathering in Porto Alegre, Brazil.

  A Lifetime Achievement award comes now, and I'd like to present this one myself, if I may. The Kipling Prize goes to Singapore's J.B. Jeyaretnam for keeping his head when all about him lost theirs over a period of more than 20 years. Jeya retired from politics this year, and to him a silver apap and a slim crystal vase with a single rose in it.

  Now for the big ones, honoring that attribute for which the big bird is celebrated. These are the golden apaps for new thinking, and the category is divided into two. (Each prize, I should add, comes with a copy of Amartya Sen's Development as Freedom.) In the public sector, the golden apap goes to ... ;envelope, my dear ... Thai Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra, who wishes it to be known that he drove to the festivities this evening himself -- chauffeur's night off. "Thaksinomics'' has yet to be proven, and the skeptics abound -- often a sign that something new and interesting is going on.

  But for forward thinking, and for seeing the need to advance both Thailand and East Asia beyond the export-dependent era, Thaksin has few peers in presidential or prime ministerial palaces.

  In the private sector, the golden apap goes to ... Daniel Lian, Morgan Stanley's Southeast Asia economist (who arrived this evening via sensible public transport, I think). Lian's take on Thailand -- he named Thaksinomics -- has been superlative in its curiosity, even-handedness, and insight. No less so are his reports on Malaysia and, most recently, Singapore (which has, in Lian, an accomplished technocrat free of charge). The pipes, the pipes are calling, Danny -- way to go.

  That's it. We can grab our oranges and leave this feast en masse, for the year is over. Thanks to every one of my readers, especially those who have troubled to write over the months. On the other side of the camera, so to say, thanks to my editors at Bloomberg, among whom one must be singled out: Robert Jameson in New York, who no longer handles this column, has a natural editor's touch and managed to keep the faith throughout.

  Tchin tchin, all. See you in 2002.
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