Yesterday was two-year-old Xiao An’s (小安) first day at day care. Carrying his bag with two packs of tissues, a bag of wet napkins, a small, steel cup, a small blanket and diapers, Xiao An entered the “kangaroo” class for children under three years old, accompanied by his mother.
After washing his hands and putting his shoes on a shelf, Xiao An was greeted by his room teacher and his fellow classmates. Things went well for the first 30 minutes, until one of the children burst into tears after realizing his parents had left.
“We have a tenor in the house,” a teacher said jokingly.
A little later, a girl began screaming when her mother prepared to leave, waving goodbye to her daughter.
The two children continued to cry as other parents arrived with their kids, prompting parents to worry their own kids would be upset once Mom or Dad left the room.
That scenario makes parents anxious. But kindergarten teacher Tsao Chun-ling (曹純菱) said this was just what teachers expected at the beginning of the semester.
And separation anxiety, or distress resulting from a child’s separation from his parent or caregiver, is not only felt by children who are attending school for the first time, Tsao said. Students returning to school may also feel anxious after spending the summer with their families.
Xiao An focused on trying to keep his mother from leaving by asking her to read him storybooks.
Teary eyed, he finally let his mother leave after she assured him she would pick him up at 4pm.
“I started telling him about going to day care about a month ago,” Xiao An’s mother said. “I told him he was going to school and would make friends with a lot of other children.”
She said she had heard some scary stories from other moms. One parent told her that her eldest son would cry every morning when she left for work for six months.
Chang Ju-yin (張如穎), chairman of the Taichung City Clinical Psychologists Association, said children normally begin experiencing separation anxiety when they are between eight months and one year old.
While the feeling usually fades between the ages of one-and-a-half and two-and-a-half years old, Chang said the feeling could resurface when children are placed in an environment where they feel they have no control.
“Parents or teachers can enhance that control by diverting their children’s attention to other things, such as fun activities,” Chang said.
“Generally speaking, we tell parents that [separation anxiety] is normal and that they can just go and leave it to the teachers,” Tsao said.
“And to make things easier, parents may be advised to bring toys, pacifiers or things to school that can sooth their children,” Tsao said.
But sometimes parents also need to help their children by backing off.
“[Parents] have to realize it is impossible for them to watch their children all the time, and this is part of the process that children have to go though,” Chang said. “Just like teaching children how to ride a bicycle — one day you have to let go.”
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