Tue, Jun 24, 2014 - Page 19 News List

Johnny Foreigner’s World Cup Odyssey: Shinji Kagawa’s tub of love and a six-fingered dynasty

The second round of FIFA World Cup group matches are over and reigning champions Spain have exited, as have England, while Costa Rica have surprised everybody by qualifying for the round-of-16 already, but we’re not going to be covering that here, oh no, Johnny’s asking the question on everybody’s lips this week — well it’s not, but it should be — What the hell is going on at Japan’s team hotel?

Apparently, Shinji Kagawa was so dejected after the Asian champs lost their opener against Ivory Coast that his teammates invited him to jump in the tub together to wash away the blues, Agence France-Presse (AFP) reported.

Striker Yoshito Okubo offered some consoling (really?) words during the soak, while defender Yuto Nagatomo also hopped in as Okubo gave Kagawa the naked truth about his performance.

In a Nikkan Sports article titled “Okubo gives Kagawa the love whip,” the soapy, homoerotic heart-to-heart reportedly did the trick, shaking Kagawa out of his funk.

“I spoke with Shinji,” Okubo said. “He was really depressed, but he’s looking forward now. If he doesn’t do the business, Japan have no chance.”

“You were absolutely useless,” Okubo — not a qualified psychologist — was quoted as telling the Manchester United midfielder. “You really were, but don’t get down about it. You can’t turn back the clock, so put a smile on your face. Get it out of your system.”

Well, that’d do it for me. Let’s face it, though, the Japanese have previous. Former Japanese prime minister Junichiro Koizumi stumbled in on the team’s celebrations after they beat Russia 1-0 at the 2002 finals, but it didn’t prevent him giving a naked Junichi Inamoto a congratulatory hug, while Japan fans also got naked, stripping off to jump into rivers to celebrate the team’s run to the round-of-16 that same year.

Maybe all this “bonding” at Japan’s hotel explains an NBS TV report from the US that a condom sporting the host nation’s national colors and flavored with its signature cocktail, the caipirinha, is selling out. Apparently, since the condom debuted in February, about 2.1 million units have been sold.

It’s possible some have been exported to Chile after the International Business Times reported that porn star Marlen Doll on Wednesday last week promised 16 hours of sex with Chile supporters if their team pulled off (unfortunate phrase I know) a victory over Spain.

It’s making me tired just thinking about it. (Well stop thinking about it then: Ed.)

Apparently, Twitter blocked Doll’s account after she posted a series of X-rated pictures, most documenting her World Cup celebration.

Meanwhile, veteran Italian porn star Silvio Berl... hang on, I read that wrong ... Rocco Siffredi has taken a different tack: He has promised not to have sex as a sign of his support for Italy’s national team.

“Guys, I’ve had thousands of orgasms, but there is one I will never forget. The one I had with all of you. Do you remember when we won the World Cup in 2006?” Siffredi said in a video on Facebook.

And I thought the Naples garbage workers strike was messy.

“So for that collective orgasm [to happen again] I am prepared to go without my orgasms,” he said.

What a sacrifice.

Someone else causing trouble on Twitter was Dutch actress Nicolette van Dam, who resigned as a UNICEF goodwill ambassador on Thursday last week after a scandal erupted over her tweet of a doctored photograph seeming to depict two Colombia players snorting cocaine, AFP reported.

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