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I was empty, tired and old, Deisler says

Sebastian Deisler shoots during the Confederations Cup Group A soccer match between Germany and Argentina in Nuremberg, Germany, on June 21, 2005. The 27-year-old former Germany player, whose skills on the ball captivated fans, has undergone five knee operations and twice missed parts of a season because of his battle with depression. PHOTO: AP

Sebastian Deisler was burnt out and "old" from the business of soccer when he made a decision that shocked a German public sure he was destined to be great.

Deisler, only 26 at the time, quit the game in January after an eight-year career in which he played well enough for Germany and Bayern Munich to keep alive German faith that he would be one of the country's best players ever.

He decided enough was enough after five knee operations and two bouts of depression brought on by the never-ending expectations.

"I recognized that I wasn't made for this business considering the way things went. At the end I was empty. I was old. I was tired," Deisler told the Tagesspiegel am Sonntag in an interview published on Sunday.

Bayern manager Uli Hoeness called the central midfielder "one of the best players we ever had in Germany."

Deisler's silky touch on the ball, not often seen in German players, helped him captivate both the fans and soccer establishment in 1998 when he was 18 and playing at Bundesliga club Borussia Moenchengladbach.

He soon found himself the center of hopes that he could reverse the steady decline of German soccer following the 1990 World Cup title -- a turnaround that didn't materialize until three years ago.

Germany put him in charge of its attack when he was 19 and the consensus soon grew in his homeland that he was their future. All he needed was experience to lead the national team back to the top again.

That ended when he went down with his first knee injury, but the pattern was set for Deisler. The country tried to rush him back from another operation for the 2002 World Cup, only to see his fragile knee collapse again in a warmup match against Austria.

But the more he was thrust into the role of savior, the more the likable boy who loved the game grew into a recluse who shunned interviews.

"The business of soccer took over too soon," Deisler said. "I never had the time to grow. I never had the time to grow up. I didn't even have the time to make mistakes."

Deisler began to place unrealistic demands on himself when he stepped onto the field he couldn't meet. That led to treatment for depression in 2003 and 2004.

Deisler began to hate his public image, all the exaggerated hopes he generated in Germany.

"I wore a mask, inside I was rebelling against it," said Deisler, who admitted he should have spoken out earlier. "But I was afraid of that."

Deisler decided instead to drop out and all his potential left a meager balance statistically: 62 games and eight goals for Bayern in four-and-a-half years and 28 appearances and three goals for Germany, plus a handful of European matches.

No matter how much the Germans wanted it, Deisler could never be their soccer superstar because his mentality didn't fit his physical gifts.

"I fought against myself for a long time. I waged war against myself until I couldn't stand it anymore," Deisler said. "That's why I've made a clean break."
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