Fri, Jan 27, 2017 - Page 13 News List

When the rooster croaks

From career advice to the best direction to face while trying to conceive a child, words of wisdom from Taipei’s fortune tellers for the Year of the Rooster

By Dana Ter  /  Staff reporter

Illustration: Courtesy of Ho Huei-tse

The Year of the Rooster is upon us, which means that Taipei’s fortune tellers are dusting off their tarot cards and crystal balls — or, in Cheng Ya-yun’s (鄭雅勻) case, gourds and gold purses.

Cheng’s house is littered with various items when I visit, including white lilies to improve her love life and the statue of a horse made from jade to ensure that she will travel to faraway places. The diminutive psychic is not one to hold back from giving sex advice, either.

“If you’re trying to conceive a child this year, do it facing southwest,” she tells me.

Now I know which direction to avoid.

LOVE IS A BATTLEFIELD

It doesn’t take a psychic to tell me that I’ve been unlucky in love, but Cheng does it anyway.

“Better for dragons to spend some time investing in friendships, rather than jumping from one romantic relationship to the next,” she says.

I’m not alone this year. Cheng predicts that not too many zodiac signs will find love. While those born in the year of the horse, ox or rat might — emphasis on might — get hitched, sheep will face problems in their marriages or relationships. Monkeys and roosters will discover that their spouses are cheating.

Wisdom Tsai’s (蔡上機) love forecast is equally grim. The white-haired fortune teller who drives a Mercedes-Benz tells me to be extra careful this year as dragons will encounter a lot of drama in their relationships — no surprise here as dragons are usually the instigators. According to Tsai, dragons should also be aware of potentially violent lovers — this I find harder to fathom as dragons are usually the violent ones.

He adds that tigers who have a “complicated sex life” better use protection because they have a higher chance of catching a sexually transmitted disease (STD).

If your love forecast isn’t particularly promising this year, don’t feel bad as Tsai also predicts Taiwanese actors and actresses having more extra-marital affairs — but when are celebrities ever not doing that?

BEWARE OF SPIKED DRINKS

While both psychics predict that snakes and rabbits will enjoy a relatively drama-free year, other aspects of their lives aren’t looking as chipper.

From being more prone to illnesses such as the common cold to their cars breaking down in the middle of nowhere and electrical appliances short-circuiting, Cheng says that rabbits should brace for an unfortunate string of bad luck. To add insult to injury, Tsai says that to cope with their misery, rabbits will turn to over-eating (carrots?) and develop numerous digestive problems.

Both Cheng and Tsai predict that snakes will be backstabbed or swindled, especially via social media. Tsai adds that snakes should be careful of playing with water or fire, especially when traveling overseas.

Other zodiac signs that need to be more vigilant are monkeys and pigs, Tsai says. Monkeys should be vigilant about hitting people when driving, and pigs should be careful of getting into car accidents.

Good health befalls those born in the year of the dog and pig. Both zodiac signs, Cheng says, will be blessed with physical strength and energy.

Tsai’s health predictions are a bit more foreboding — tigers have a higher chance of developing kidney stones and bladder problems and those born in the year of the ox should be careful of having their drinks spiked by strangers. He also predicts a general increase in diabetes, skin diseases and STDs.

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