The presence of online gaining communities has provided people with a support system. Many say it is like coming home. “This is our small part of the world where we are surrounded by people who say, ‘You’re not weird; it’s perfectly fine to feel as you do, in fact, we think you’re great because of it,’” says Lauren. “To virtually everyone, it is a liberating, wonderful feeling.” Allen says that she is in the privileged position of “coming out” because she has little to lose: her partner will not leave her because of it, and she is unlikely to lose her job. Colleagues don’t know, but she doesn’t think they will be too surprised, given her outspoken views on fat issues.
As a moderator on the Fantasy Feeder site, she comes across a lot of people who on the one hand are desperate to be fat, on the other, desperate to be thin. “Real desires need attention, not curing,” she says. “Lots of people in the community want to understand why they have these fantasies and desires, and there’s sometimes an undertone of; ‘so that I can cure them.’ Not always, but there are definitely people who feel that way.”
Some, she says, are just as unhappy with their bodies as those trying to lose weight. “Most people who tell you that they’re happy with their bodies are lying. There are people who are like, ‘Yeah, I’m cool: fat is beautiful — I’m having weight loss surgery ... certainly, there are women on Fantasy Feeder who are dieting.”
Being a gainer isn’t as straightforward or easy as it might seem, she says. “One comes into contact with messages about weight loss, health and beauty, about, I don’t know, 20 times a day. Every time you open your e-mail, a magazine, every time you turn the television on ... so any attempt to do anything different, takes incredible strength and courage — and we all fall down,” including Allen. “Of course it gets me down! I often feel like all men — and women — believe that stereotype is beautiful, even though I know better,” she says. “I hammer myself over not being that stereotype, but only when I’m having a bad time and am already vulnerable because of other things going on around me.”
If we look around us, says Phillip Hodson, it is clear that regardless of increased pressures to be thin, we are getting fatter as a nation. “The natural figure of the hunter-gatherer has returned: good childbearing hips and a good abdomen,” he says. “But I would be worried about people who are saying they want to get fat.”
But Gibson is not worried. At 101kg she still only considers herself to be pleasantly plump. She has a picture in her head, she says, of what she will look like when she is fat. “I am a long way off that, although I am on my way,” she says. “With each mouthful, calorie and year, I am on my way to achieving it.”
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