Even "in the one-year time window between deployments, much of your 'time home' is not really yours," Ryan added. It is a sentiment echoed by many of the captains: "The pressures during the year at home are tremendous," said Captain David Sandoval, commander of Company A, 1st Battalion, 8th Infantry of the 3rd Armored Cavalry Regiment.
There is constant training, new gear and technology to be mastered, new soldiers to fit into the units. And there is round-the-clock responsibility for the people under their command. Disintegrating marriages, financial problems, sick children and post-traumatic stress fall on their shoulders.
"We got back from our last tour and immediately there were rumors we were re-deploying," said a captain who requested anonymity for fear of displeasing his superiors. "Some of these guys are 18, 19 years old. They've just been through a year of combat. They went crazy. They started fighting, drinking, crashing cars."
Sandoval's company, considered one of the best in the brigade, also had troubles upon returning home. "They're not all alright when they come home," he said. "There are domestic violence problems. I'm part marriage counselor, part drug and alcohol counselor, part suicide prevention counselor. It's an emotional roller coaster."
Here in Iraq, however, Sandoval can't sleep when his men are out on patrol, and almost every night they are. His men say he goes for days without sleep. He denies this. "I sleep at least three hours a day," he said, his eyes rimmed with red.
And he worries about the burden on his own family, on his wife, who is in charge of helping all the other families of Company A soldiers back home, and on his 13-year-old son and 9-year-old daughter. He kept his most recent deployment from them until the last minute, he said.
"My daughter struggles the most," he said. "Every month it is a little tougher for them."
Yet Sandoval loves the Army and plans stay in it: "I joined at 19. I thought I'd do two years, be out at 21 and have money for college. Sixteen years later I'm still here."
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