Most surrogates, for heterosexual or gay couples, work as gestational carriers, meaning they bring children to term but not with their own genetic material. (Couples availing themselves of
surrogacy typically get eggs from banks where donors are identified by their height, weight, College Board and IQ scores.)
The typical surrogate, according to the Center for Surrogate Parenting, is a woman of 21 to 37, who has had two children and 13 years of formal education. In many cases, she is motivated by a desire to be pregnant, as well as by a desire for attention.
defying the odds
Some surrogates also say they find the sense of defiance in providing gay couples with children meaningful.
"In all honesty, there's a bit of a rebellious nature in me," acknowledged Shannon Klein, a mother of three in Cypress, California, who home-schools her children. "I know that there are people who wouldn't approve of being a surrogate for gay parents, and that has made it more intriguing."
Klein has borne two children for two gay couples, and she is pregnant with twins for a third.
"When she initially approached me with this, I said, `You want to do what?"' commented Klein's husband, Mark. "But we've developed friendships with these people, not fly-by-nights but lifelong relationships with people we may never have met otherwise."
Stiller's visit to Cambridge in March was her second. They cared for her children in Texas while she recuperated from giving birth to Samantha. Seeing the baby for the first time, she said, "was like seeing the baby of your best friend."
She and the couple have no prescribed plan for their future relationship, expecting it to evolve "as relationships with college friends do," Wellisch said. Friedman said, "We didn't go into this saying, `We want an intense relationship,' but I didn't necessarily expect that we'd develop the bond that we have."
They will have little competition for Stiller's affections. She will be working with no other couples in the future. When her husband, Keith, returned home last month from Iraq, where he had been stationed for a year, he told her he did not want her to work as a surrogate again.
"He was concerned for my health and emotional well-being," Stiller said. "For a year your life is devoted to someone else's. And physically I think he wanted me to get back to my wonderful size eight."
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