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Restaurant: Goldfish

By David Momphard
STAFF REPORTER
Friday, Jan 30, 2004, Page 19

All that glistens is not gold. PHOTO: DAVID MOMPHARD, TAIPEI TIMES

Of course there is no goldfish dish on the menu at Goldfish, but even if there were, you might not ever find it. The problem with trying to dine at this spanking new eatery cushioned between a coterie of clothiers in the Taipei 101 Mall is that, like its namesake fish, its eyes are simply too big for its stomach.

The second thing you'll notice about this restaurant -- following the gargantuan goldfish portrait adorning the wall above the bar -- is that the menu reads like a novella. An impossible array of dishes are on offer, from Southeast Asian rice and noodles to risotto and pasta and pizzas and burgers. The menu also has a California Corner, which takes up far more than a corner, and a "from the wok" selection. None of these categories, however, are considered entrees. That's in the back.

"Great," you're led to believe. Like everything else in the shining urban utopia that is the Taipei 101 Mall, Goldfish glistens well enough. The place settings seen from the mall corridor are inviting and the whole swank establishment gives off a sense of "Come. Dine" -- there seems no reason not to believe a menu that lists what must be over a hundred items. "They' re at the top their game," you think to yourself.

And then you order and your dish comes out faster than your beverage. "Uh oh." It's the unmistakable taste of microwaved food. Cooked yesterday, perhaps. Prepared dishes based on an inventory of items the cash register has rung up over the past several weeks. By employing some complex equation known only to restauranteurs, they knew before I did that I'd order the herb chicken. They'd made it for me already and had only to reheat it. It's the kind of restaurant you imagine Philip K. Dick might open.

But if he had, Mr. Dick obviously had no liking for chicken or pork. The chicken was indeed half a herb-crusted chicken, roasted well enough and served with fries and a dollop of what I took to be a kind of potato salad. But that was it. Sumptuous it was not. Nor were the pork ribs, also served with fries and that same pinkish dollop.

The Thai seafood salad placed on the table next to ours, however, was envy-inducing. The lesson learned: When the menu is as extensive as Goldfish's, order only that which cannot be cooked the night before. And ask to have your beverage before your meal.
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