Many people have been talking about the need to protect our children. However, there is another side to this. I remember having to resort to an angry outburst in a public space just to get somebody to stop invading my child’s dignity.
I was out with my four-year-old son, trying to get an evening meal. I went to the counter to order food. When I came back to our seats, I discovered a middle-aged man sitting next to my child, holding his hand and stroking it.
I have always tried to instill in him the importance of saying “No” in a loud voice if a stranger approaches him, but on this occasion I noticed my son was too scared to say anything. I went up to them and asked him to stop, adding: “Excuse me, sir, but my son is not comfortable with strangers.”
The man replied, “Oh, but your little boy is so cute.” He then put his hand on my son’s face. I insisted that he stop and then I moved my son to another seat.
The man ignored my protestations, asking me what the problem was with cuddling a child when they were so cute, and moving as if to put his arms around him. All I could do was to yell at him not to touch my child.
Finally, he let go. However, by this point everyone in the restaurant was staring at me. Nobody was looking at the man.
I am quite sure that many parents have had a similar experience. You are in the elevator, and a complete stranger notices the toddler you are holding, and says that they are cute and strokes their cheek; or there is the old guy from next door, whom you recognize but do not know too well, with the smell of alcohol on his breath, seeing your pretty daughter and asking for a quick hug; or there is the colleague, whom you do know well, and whom you chance upon in the street. They crouch down in front of your child and say, to their face: “Oh, she’s a bit pudgy, isn’t she? Or is it that she’s a bit short for her age?”
Children’s rights are a public issue, I understand that. However, that does not mean children are public property. And yet there seem to be a lot of people who feel it is okay to manhandle children without obtaining the permission of their parents or of the child themselves, or make unsolicited critical comments about them.
It is as if the basic rights of a child are in direct proportion to their height. In the eyes of some adults, children are just objects, not sentient beings deserving respect.
What makes me sad is that often the worst offenders are the very people whom these children ought to trust, the very people that should be protecting them: their parents.
You often see parents on the streets forcing their children into the arms of friends, when they do not want to go and despite their protests, and these friends paw and manhandle the kids, squeezing and cuddling them. The poor child holds out their arms, pleading to be returned to their parents, but their parents insist, saying, “Oh, come now, why not let uncle hold you for a while?” Meanwhile, the child’s sobs get drowned out by the adults’ laughter.
Parents take to the streets, full of indignation about how the government should do more about protecting children’s rights and expecting the laws to provide our children with an environment in which they will be protected and kept out of harm’s way.
However, at home we ignore children when they tell us when they are full, and continue to cram food down their throats until they are just about ready to bring it all up again; neither do we believe our children when they are too hot or too cold, and force them to wear warm clothes, even when they are sweating profusely.
When we are verbally affronted, we kick up a fuss and threaten to sue; and yet are quite happy to call our children all manner of derogatory names, telling them they are bad or useless or worse. We disregard our children’s self-respect or feelings of embarrassment, but are all too quick to be affronted ourselves when someone even looks at us the wrong way.
We give no thought to how these actions can affect our children, and we are deaf to their tears of helplessness during the night.
The rights and permissions of our children are consistently being curtailed by adults. Everyone agrees that social stability begins at home, and that we need to instill values of empathy and compassion in the next generation if we are going to be able to avoid tragedy.
Empathy and compassion come from within. It does not matter whether it is taught at home or in schools, or are reflected in our laws and policies, if we do not have respect for people, it matters little how perfect our system is, all will be but empty talk, and nothing will come of it.
I know that many of the people who looked at me that way in the restaurant on that day were probably thinking that I need not have made such a fuss just because somebody was paying attention to my child. As far as I was concerned, the only thing I could see was the look of fear and confusion in my son’s eyes.
All I can do is to continue to tell him and show him that I care about him, that I care about the fact that, as a person, he has rights and deserves respect.
I want him to know that, as he is still too young to make himself heard, I will do my utmost to teach him and protect him, to tell him about dignity, both spiritual and physical, and how best to protect himself.
I do not want him, when he is a grown man, to see the world around him as a cruel and cold place; I want him to be able to use the love and respect that he himself was given, and to return it to the world, and as he walks through the valley of the shadow of death, to use his life to nurture other lives around him.
Cho Hsiao-ching is first violinist of the National Symphony Orchestra.
Translated by Paul Cooper
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