Dear President Ma (馬英九),
Don’t take offense at me addressing you personally. Normally I avoid writing this way because it reeks of presumption. But I have to make an exception this time, because things are getting out of control — and I’m just about the last friend you’ve got.
Let’s face it: We’ve got a problem. Next to a river in remote Kaohsiung County there is a huge landslide. Under it are probably several hundred villagers. They’re not coming out.
No one blames you for that landslide, even if you’ve been blaming anyone you can find for the typhoon that triggered it. But now, a lot of people are holding you responsible for the government’s half-assed response to a bona fide national disaster. I’m even beginning to hear a woman’s name thrown around the office: “Katrina.” What could that mean?
Let me be candid. Your dour handling of Typhoon Morakot, more than anything else, has fired up your opponents in the KMT. They are questioning your leadership in public; Matsu only knows what they are saying about you among themselves.
Legislative Speaker Wang Jin-pyng (王金平), who you once implied was on the take, nearly formed a bipartisan legislative front to urge you to take stronger action. Legislators Chiu Yi (邱毅), Lo Shu-lei (羅淑蕾) and other outspoken and media-ready KMT voices are more or less calling you an insensitive chump.
Trust me, I know you just don’t feel right having people touching you, and your face in particular — even if they are bereft typhoon victims. I feel your struggle when you look for words of comfort and congeniality but end up sounding callous. I feel your tension when you just can’t bring yourself to bury your head between the neck and shoulders of a sobbing woman who just lost everything that meant anything to her.
Hugging and getting teary should not be part of a president’s job description. That’s why I thought it was a classy move to get your wife into the disaster zone. She knows how to embrace someone and cop a noseful of sweat, tears, mud and shit. Great footage, by the way.
But not everyone is as understanding as I. And now, even your temporary friends in China are beginning to hack at you and undermine your credibility.
Our very own Taipei Times reported that Li Fei (李非), a visiting propagandist/academic from Xiamen University’s Taiwan Research Center, spoke in explicit detail about how an economic cooperation framework agreement (ECFA) would pave the way for unification (“Chinese expert on Taiwan contradicts Ma’s ECFA claims,” Aug. 14, page 1). I believe him, too: You don’t work at that place unless you do as you’re told.
So much for no move toward unification in the next eight years, eh?
But there’s worse to come. The Asia Times Web site on Tuesday published another piece by Fudan University propagandist/academic Jian Junbo (簡軍波), who said you were backtracking from your commitment to unification and rudely accused you of opportunism, of being unable to “adhere to one principle from beginning to end” and of resembling former president Lee Teng-hui (李登輝). The cheek!
I swear, give those Chicoms a peck on the cheek and they’ll respond by sticking their tongue down your throat and slurping out your innards.
What to do? It’s time for a history lesson.
I assume you’ve heard of the Xian Incident? The one where Chiang Kai-shek (蔣介石) was abducted at gunpoint and globally humiliated by one of his own? Well, that wasn’t the last time that Peanut had a gun pointed at his face. The second incident, to the very few in the know, is referred to as “Showdown at Chiaopanshan (角板山).”
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