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Johnny Neihu's Mailbag

Mass Rapid Transgressions

Dear Johnny,

Just how much ass-grabbing is going on on the MRT, the buses and so on?

I try to be polite, but the way the media portrays it, I feel like I'm missing out on the action. The argument by Shao Lin from Kaohsiung (Letters, Feb. 21, page 8) strongly reflects the need for a cottage industry of women -- and men, too, of course -- who will allow their butts to be grabbed. Say NT$30, one hand, for 10 seconds?

MRT stations could have a designated area for what could be a thriving enterprise, and not closed off as with breastfeeding. Taiwan's hot grandmas, the COSWAS membership and gay communities could get in on the action, too. It could almost be like "free hugs" -- only they're not hugs and not free.

The work would at least carry a lot more dignity than those cripples I see crawling on their stomachs and pushing those plastic trays through the day markets collecting change.

My butt's been grabbed by at least three old women, one of whom smiled at me afterwards (surreal, but I took it as a compliment), a couple of guys, and there were a few times when I had no idea -- for a total of maybe nine.

I'm tired of not getting paid for something that gives others pleasure at my expense. I'm gonna make my "you can grab my butt for NT$30" T-shirt tomorrow, and start giving them away in Ximending next week. See you there!

Torch Pratt

Yonghe, Taipei County

Johnny replies: If Taiwan had a half respectable feminist movement, you would be getting hate mail and Molotov cocktails through your basement air vent, Torch.

Until then, may I suggest that different lines of the MRT host different forms of unsolicited attention?

The Red Line could feature your standard unwelcome sexual advances, inappropriately suggestive language and ill-timed jokes, along with all the usual butt-grabbing and body space encroachment.

The Green Line could offer aggressive and threatening discussions of politics and cross-strait revenge attacks.

The Brown Line would have unrelenting attacks on the passengers' individual features, such as ethnicity, gender, religion and physical attributes.

And the Blue Line? Freestyle expressions of fear and loathing.
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