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Johnny Neihu's NewsWatch: Smarmier than your average Chou

Most people are familiar with the Greek legend of Narcissus. Well, just in case you're not, it tells the story of a handsome young man whose beauty caused everyone he met to fall in love with him.

But when Narcissus spurned the advances of the nymph Echo, breaking her heart, the gods doomed him to fall in love with his own reflection in a lake, and there he stayed, mesmerized until his death, after which the gods turned him into the flower that bears his name.

The word "narcissism" is derived from the legend, and to this day it is used to describe people who have an excessively high opinion of themselves.

With an intro like this you may be thinking that green card flip-flopping presidential hopeful Ma Ying-jeou (馬英九) is the subject of today's column.

But no, the target of my musings this week is someone who appears to love himself even more than Ma, if that is possible. I'm talking about unassuming commissioner of Taipei County and Ma's occasional tennis partner Chou Hsi-wei (周錫瑋).

(Is it only me that remembers those dreadful posters of him and Ma playing doubles during Chou's 2005 election campaign?)

Chou, it seems, is a bone fide narcissist. He simply can't get enough of himself, and he can't seem to stick to a single political party if he doesn't get exactly what he wants.

But what makes it worse is that he seems to think that everyone else in Taipei County is as keen to feast their eyes on his smug-looking mug.

Great Uncle Neihu from down Tamsui (淡水) way (us Neihus are everywhere, you know) first brought it to my attention last year when he showed me a magazine charting Taipei County's "progress" under Chou that had been pushed through his door.

Nearly every page had a photo of the smiling show-off.

Then, the Liberty Times said back on Nov. 22 that since his inauguration, Chou has managed to become the unofficial poster boy for the Taipei County Police Department's quarterly magazine. Photos of Chou have appeared on the cover of the last three issues; while the winter edition had an eight-page feature on -- you guessed it -- the shy and retiring county commissioner. It included 32 pictures of Chou in various poses (playing basketball, presenting awards, etc) to boot.

I don't suppose the county's coppers would have minded too much, except that the content was not particularly related to fighting crime. Instead, the Liberty Times report detailed how the eight-page spectacular included the lowdown on Chou's favorite pastime -- painting -- as well as several pictures of his artworks and a section on his wife's "inner feelings."

Talk about blowing your own horn. But maybe we shouldn't, as Chou would probably try that if he could reach.

And none of this would have anything to do with Chou's ongoing grab for police promotion powers at the expense of the National Police Agency, would it? Naaah.

Narcissists, so my psychologist friend tells me, have a tendency to exaggerate their own achievements and talents, and the self-confident commissioner is certainly no stranger when it comes to doing this.

Chou likes to think he is an accomplished artist and takes every opportunity possible to remind people of the fact. But not content with talking up his own prodigious talent, Chou also gets other people to do his boasting for him.

A November article on the Taipei County Government Web site about an exhibition of Chou's works links to a blog dedicated to the oily one's oil paintings (tw.myblog.yahoo.com/95-national), on which artist and Tamkang University Professor Li Chi-mao (李奇茂) has penned what can only be described as a hagiography of an egomaniac.

Because while Chou's paintings aren't bad (I'd rate them somewhere around the level of a talented but untrained teenager), they are certainly nowhere near the same quality as the work of painter Marc Chagall, to whom Li compares Chou.

Let's just hope the comparison doesn't go to Chou's head, as Chagall once did a nude self-portrait. We wouldn't want him to get any ideas.

Mind you, the title of Li's puff piece, "Incorporating art and culture into politics and society: [Commissioner] Hsi-Wei Chou brings catharsis with his brushes," is rather ambiguous, because as well as meaning "emotional purification," catharsis can also mean "a purging of the bowels." I think we know which one Li is hinting at.

But Li doesn't stop there. He then tells us how Chou's "artistic genes seem to be exceptionally sensitive, and it takes no more than the calling of the nature [sic] to activate them."

Funny, I usually get the urge to read the newspaper whenever I get the call of nature.

Li continues: "Through painting, [Chou] also engages himself with the land and the people, and endeavors to forge Taipei County into a region of bliss and exuberance."

Hmmm.

Next up, Li tells the by-now-enchanted reader how Chou's identical twin "gave up art for a career in business." Call me a cynic, but doesn't that mean that, like his brother, he just wasn't good enough?

To top it all off, we discover that "Hsi-wei not only cherishes his personal passion for painting but also tries to incorporate art into his administration of Taipei County Government. His talents in both management of public affairs and art lead to his distinguished achievement today."

Chou certainly does know how to distinguish himself from others, like when a poll by the pro-blue-camp United Daily News in December 2006 ranked him the worst of all city and county leaders elected in 2005. His response -- typically narcissistic -- showed a complete unwillingness to reflect on the result.

CNA reported how Chou blamed the poll's structure for not properly representing public opinion, while he and a county government spokesman also blamed the previous administration for leaving him a budget deficit.

So concerned about the county's lack of cash were Chou and his fellow officials that, according to the Apple Daily, shortly after the poll they were due to go on a 10-person junket to Bali (that's Bali in Indonesia, not Bali Township (八里) in Taipei County). But after some negative press coverage, Chou and five other staff got cold feet and left four of the party stranded at the airport, meaning they had to cancel the trip and forfeit the fees.

So much for the budget deficit.

But I shouldn't be too harsh on the old exhibitionist, especially after ET Today's Web site reported on Tuesday this week that Chou's aforementioned exhibition sold NT$13 million (US$400,000) worth of his art, the proceeds being promptly donated to disadvantaged families, budding young artists and youngsters who want to quit drug habits.

All I can say is that there are a lot of people in Taiwan with bad taste, but then I've always thought the popularity of crystal maker Swarovski bore testament to that.

While it's nice that Chou is concerned about the disadvantaged (unless you're a Losheng leper, that is), it's also extremely convenient that he moves in charitable circles, as those in need present another ideal opportunity to get Chou's face on even more billboards.

Why, just last week, I took the MRT to deepest, darkest Sindian (新店) to meet my vote-captain buddy "Muscles" and his pals for a mahjong session and a few Whisby and Kaoliang shots. Lo and behold, as I stepped off the train I was assaulted by a life-size poster of Chou holding a baby while surrounded by six pretty foreign brides. The slogan? "We are all one big family."

Talk about beauties and the beast.

I have also been informed of a variation of the poster on school gates all around Taipei County.

But let's look on the bright side.

With this latest episode of self-promotion, the caring commissioner will at least help to slash the number of road accidents involving small children, as a huge poster of Chou by the school gate is certain to deter any schoolkid from jaywalking.

Heard or read something particularly objectionable about Taiwan? Johnny wants to know: dearjohnny@taipeitimes.com is the place to reach me, with "Dear Johnny" in the subject line.
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