Taiwanese suddenly started feeling a bit inadequate last Saturday. We learned we no longer have the tallest building in the world, as Taipei 101 was reportedly overtaken by the Burj Dubai in the United Arab Emirates (UAE).
Although the Burj is still under construction and won't officially earn the title until it is completed, the mourning has already begun here. As my gal Cathay Pacific lamented: "It's just a big ugly building now."
Second place just isn't the same. Do you see any lines around the block to ride Taiwan's second-biggest Ferris wheel out at Miramar Entertainment Park? The only people riding that thing anymore are teenage couples whose parents never leave town.
Developers at Taipei 101 are no doubt scrambling to find new ways in which it is still the biggest. Maybe they could say it's the tallest building in the world with a number in its name. The world's first tallest building completed in the 21st century. Ah, here's a good one: the largest countdown clock on New Year's eve. Take that, Burj Dubai!
I, for one, am not overly upset. In fact, I couldn't be happier. I want nothing to do with immature international competitions to see whose building is bigger than whose. While some people continue to believe the fallacy that 101 promotes our international image, I would argue it is nothing but a display of Taiwan's insecurity about the size of its economy.
Let's look at what our insatiable quest for face has gotten us. We get a three-second New Year firework display that envelops 101 in smoke so quickly it looks more like lightning striking inside of a cloud. We get a mall so expensive that a Saudi sheik would have to sell his left kidney for a can of Cheese Whiz. And, if scientific rumors are to be believed, Taipei 101 is so large and cumbersome that it is actually causing earthquakes because its weight is sitting on a fault line.
Even so, I can live with all of that. What I really resent about Taipei 101 is that my beloved country doesn't need an architectural monstrosity to prove what a wonderful nation it is. Status projects are for countries that have serious problems to gloss over, or countries that want to pretend that they're modern and progressive without doing the hard work of democratizing or building a real economic foundation.
The Burj is in the UAE, whose democratic and human rights records speak for themselves. Nor is it a coincidence that the Chicoms have a massive erection going on with their own big building in Shanghai. Fine company indeed for Taiwan.
Ah, the plight of being a stable, prosperous democracy of 23 million people. The rest of the world just finds us boring. What, no coups? No ethnic cleansing? Civil war? C'mon Taiwan, can't the military at least shoot some peaceful demonstrators or something? Can't it threaten to invade Fiji? It seems the only time the international media are interested in Taiwan is when China threatens to blow it up. Being a responsible country just isn't very glamorous.
And yet, despite the fading of Taiwan's allure as its democratization and economic miracle become old news, our craving for attention has not subsided. So, like David Hasselhoff trying to launch a singing career, we build an enormous building. We go out and disprove the stereotype that Asians don't have as big buildings as Westerners. We brag about the size of our building, its height, its girth, the way it makes other countries' buildings look puny.
I don't care about "increasing Taiwan's international visibility" or "making the world see Taiwan" as some of our politicians always blather about. I would much rather everyone left us alone. I think we should set up semiconductor vending stalls in the airport like cotton candy stands at a carnival. Traders can just come in, get their semiconductors at the airport, and get the hell out. Sorry, no big buildings here. Nothing to see. Leave us alone. Just a boring old liberal democracy.
But no, we have to be seen. We have to be heard. We have to have our face. We have to expose ourselves to the world like an old man in a trench coat loitering outside an elementary school. People have to come here and say: "My God, Taipei, you've got an enormous building. You must really be able to satisfy all the businesspeople who come here looking for some action."
But isn't comparing building sizes just a bit juvenile? Does Taipei 101 really give other countries building envy, or is it we, in fact, who come off as insecure? Of course, Taiwan needs to participate internationally, but is having a big building to brag about going to help it get into the UN or the WHO?
Taiwan doesn't need to compensate for any inadequacies with its building size. This is a remarkable and accomplished country for a host of other reasons, and if people don't find that impressive in itself, then they can pack provisions -- including non-lethal toothpaste -- and head west to Uncle Hu.
Still, some ego-obsessed Taiwanese will start to feel anxiety when we show off our building to tourists now. Will they still be impressed? Or will they mutter disdainfully: "I've seen bigger." Will it be able to satisfy them? Will experiencing it give them the same pleasure?
And what about the Taipei 101 stairwell race? Will it still attract the same number of lithe, young competitors lining up outside the door to have their turn? Will charging up the stairs get them as hot and sweaty as it used to? Will they still climb those final flights of stairs with their hearts pounding against their chests, their bodies on fire but not wanting to stop, panting and clutching the railing until they reach the roof and scream: "Yes! Yes! Oh god yes! There's no building that can do it for me like Taipei 101!"
Or, after having been up the Burj Dubai and its 161 floors, will the end of the 101 race seem to come prematurely? Will the competitors, just as they're reaching the climax of the race, suddenly find themselves on the roof wondering: "That's it? Over already? I was hoping it could have lasted a little bit longer"?
Only time will tell, I suppose. In the meantime, we've still got work to do re-classifying Taipei 101.
"Tallest building in the world in the same city as Taiwan's second-largest Ferris wheel and the highest concentration of 7-Elevens" has a nice ring to it.
Heard or read something particularly objectionable about Taiwan? Johnny wants to know: dearjohnny@taipeitimes.com is the place to reach me, with "Dear Johnny" in the subject line.
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