Never slow on the uptake when it comes to the latest international trends, Taiwan has followed hot on the heels of Pope Benedict XVI this week by upsetting the Muslim community.
According to a Deutsche Presse-Agentur (DPA) piece dated Sept. 25, the Ministry of Education found itself in hot water over a middle school text book that "carried a drawing of the Prophet Mohammed and images of spear-wielding warriors under the caption `In ancient times, Islamic warriors expanded their influence to foreign lands.'"
Unlike the pope, however, the ministry and the publisher were quick to apologize and revise the offending material, no doubt wanting to avoid a repeat of the uproar caused when a Danish newspaper published 12 images of the Prophet last year. The swift action and apology was a mistake in my opinion, as Taiwan needs as much international news coverage as it can get, and becoming an international pariah would be something of an improvement in the social standing of poor old President Chen Shui-bian (陳水扁) at the moment.
What other pearls of wisdom would I discover, were I to flick through my grandchildren's history books, I wonder?
That the Buddha attained enlightenment under a betel nut tree, perhaps? Or maybe that old peanut head Chiang Kai-shek (蔣介石) was a master military tactician?
And as if insulting Islam's most revered prophet weren't enough for one day, DPA then relays how Taiwan's Islamic leaders tried to insult the intelligence of the nation's Muslims by reminding them not to "break the fast during the holy month of Ramadan."
Come on, as if devotees would forget how to behave during their religion's most important holiday. That's like reminding Americans not to forget to "supersize" when they go to McDonald's.
Mind you, if any members of Taiwan's Muslim community have been taking part in Shih Ming-teh's (施明德) round-the-clock "thumbathon," then they could probably be forgiven for confusing night with day given that it has dragged on for so long.
According to the Chinese Muslim Association's reminder e-mail: "Violators of Ramadan rules should make up for their wrongdoing by freeing one slave, or fasting for 60 days, or feeding 60 slaves in one day or feeding one slave for 60 days."
So there's no need to worry. With so many foreign laborers in Taiwan these days, any absent-minded Muslims shouldn't have too far to look for penance.
And while we're on religion, I came across the headline "China moves to convert Taiwan's allies" on the Brunei Times Web site the other day, and thought that those swine across the Strait had resorted to the supernatural -- or at least their bamboo curtain version of the Catholic Church -- to find new ways of squeezing Taiwan's international space.
But after further investigation, it just turned out to be another article about how those Beijing blockheads are trying to steal away our diplomatic "friends" by paying them more than we do. What cheek!
One person who doesn't seem to be having any problems gaining new friends is none other than the Protest-Approver-in-Chief, Chinese Nationalist Party (KMT) Chairman Ma Ying-jeou (馬英九), who, according to a recent article from Radio Free Asia, has legions of fans in China who congregate in cyberspace at an Internet chat room called "The Fans of Ma Ying-jeou."
The group, also known as the China Pan-Blue Alliance, is apparently planning to "field around 100 `independent' candidates in district and township level elections taking place across China this year and next."
Knowing Ma's penchant for a photo op, don't expect it to be long before the Jogmeister pops up across the Strait.
After all, an election poster isn't an election poster without a gormless, grinning Ma giving it the "Baituo, baituo" treatment next to the prospective candidate.
But seeing as how such political activity could see Ma end up spending quality time in a small room with Chinese Falun Gong practitioners, maybe he could pack his controversial canine, Ma Hsiao-jeou (馬小九), off as his proxy. After all, with all these corruption accusations dogging the mayor and his mutt at the moment, the pampered pooch could probably do with laying low for a while.
And while the KMT is enjoying a resurgence of popularity in enemy territory, it seems the Chicoms have no need for one of the KMT's election specialties.
According to Wen Yan, one of the Pan-Blue Alliance's candidates in the elections, the Chinese authorities "are offering to buy votes for the official candidate at 50 yuan (US$6.30) apiece."
Zhang Qi, another alliance activist, adds: "[The authorities] said we weren't spiritual members of the KMT, but mentally ill members ... They told us that for a group of young people to be doing the things we were doing wasn't conducive to social stability."
So there you have it. Confirmation from China that supporting the pan-blues is bad for your mental health and social stability. But then anyone who has been keeping an eye on events over on Ketagalan Boulevard over the last three weeks would already be aware of that.
The article goes on to interview a spokesman for the Revolutionary Committee of the Kuomintang (China's own version of the KMT), Zhang Ronggong, who has a remarkably similar name to the KMT's very own Elvis impersonator and head of the party's China affairs department, Chang Jung-kung (張榮恭), the only difference being the Romanization.
Now whether the reporter made an honest mistake or Zhang (Chang) is doing a bit of moonlighting across the Strait for a few extra yuan is unclear, but he goes on to deny the existence of the organization, saying: "I have never heard of this China Pan-Blue Alliance which you speak of ... There is no Pan-Blue Alliance in the Chinese Nationalist Party."
That's probably news to the People First Party, but however you look at it, the KMT is washing its hands of this group, who, deluded as they may be, are putting their liberty and quite possibly their lives on the line to express an appreciation for the party.
Chairman Ma and the KMT are obviously more interested in selling out people who want democracy than jeopardizing their new-found friendship with their former arch enemy, the Chinese Communist Party.
People of Taiwan, are you taking note?
Heard or read something particularly objectionable about Taiwan? Johnny wants to know: dearjohnny@taipeitimes.com is the place to reach me, with "Dear Johnny" in the subject line.
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