So it was the Azzurri of Italy who took home soccer's biggest prize last weekend when they beat France on penalties to claim their fourth World Cup. As I mentioned in this column just a few weeks ago, Taiwan may be to soccer what TV personality Hu Gua (
According to an article on the government's Taiwan Headlines Web site entitled "Taiwan team of robot developers win honors at robot football World Cup," the Tamkang team's robot came from 2-0 down to beat the Harbin Institute of Technology's piece of junk 5-2 in the final.
Way to go boys, I always knew there was something we could beat the commies at. Watch now as a humiliated China protests to the World Robot Soccer Association and forces Tamkang University to participate in future events under the name "Chinese Taipei."
While we're on the subject of soccer and prizes, if there was a World Cup for the stupidest, most hare-brained scheme, then this year's winner would have to be President Chen Shui-bian (
You have to wonder whether the president's recent decision to hand over most of his power to the premier has not left old A-Bian with a little too much time on his hands.
What other bright ideas can we expect to see emanating from the business end of Ketagelan Boulevard over the next few weeks? A plan to send Taiwan's budding politicians overseas so they can learn to behave like statesmen instead of a bunch of amateur boxers, perhaps? Or maybe a scheme to send Taipei's taxi and bus drivers abroad to learn the subtle arts of changing gear, braking slowly and using their mirrors and turn signals?
Talking of pie-in-the-sky ideas and hot air, the patron saint of joggers was on his travels again this week as the latest leg of the "Ma Ying-jeou (
Anyway, before he left, Mayor AWOL found enough time between workouts to answer "10 Questions" in an interview with Time magazine. And it was another outstanding performance from Taiwan's self-styled man of substance, full of half answers and responses designed to hoodwink Time's clueless foreign readership.
For example, when asked about his efforts to fight corruption within the ranks of the Chinese Nationalist Party (KMT), Ma talked about his record as justice minister: "During my tenure, my prosecutors indicted 341 city or county councilors out of 881 -- almost 40 percent -- and the majority of them were members of my party," he bragged.
He neglected to mention that his commendable efforts soon earned him the sack from the Mafioso-type upper echelons of the KMT regime, whose members were worried they would be next on the indictment list -- and that it is these same people who hold the reins of power in the party even though Ma is now its chairman. But Time readers don't need to be worried about such small details, do they?
When asked about "one China" and what he would do if Beijing insists on sticking to its well-established principle, Slick again raised the ridiculous notion of "one China" being the Republic of China, before adding that Beijing would accept this under the non-existent "1992 consensus," something that another KMT daydreamer, Legislator Su Chi (
Asked about the 800 missiles China has pointing at Taiwan, Mr Photo Opportunity replied that he won't negotiate until Beijing does something about them. The words "hell," "freeze" and "over" spring to mind.
He went on: "During the two trips [former KMT chairman] Lien Chan (
Yes, and neither did the cowardly Lien dare to mention the "Republic of China" -- so much for mutual recognition. He forgets that China is about as trustworthy as a presidential honor guard.
The Jogmeister then goes into brown-nosing overdrive with "many people in Taiwan believe that [Chinese President] Hu Jintao (
Yes, Mr Mayor, just like Hu was sophisticated in understanding the needs of Tibetans during his crackdown on activists when he was party chief in the region in 1989. Look how sophisticated he is when it comes to understanding the needs of China's Falun Gong followers ... maybe a sensitive guy like Hu should take up counseling when he retires.
Finally, Ma goes on to explain what I call his "Homer Simpson doctrine," aka the "Five Dos," which he says will improve relations with Beijing. He also outlines how he believes China would be willing to let Taiwan increase its international space, something that Old Red has proven real generous at doing in the past, right? Maybe we should ask our genial mayor about the latest news from the World Health Organization.
And to think that the Time article introduction bills Ma as being "highly educated." Highly deluded more like. It seems that Mayor Ma's reveling in everything China is similar to those "brainwashed" Taiwanese who revel in the Japanese colonial period, as a certain local politician recently put it.
Who was the Japan-hating politician in question? Why, it was our very own Ma Ying-jeou. No wonder he couldn't wait to come home.
Heard or read something particularly objectionable about Taiwan? Johnny wants to know: dearjohnny@taipeitimes.com is the place to reach me, with "Dear Johnny" in the subject line.
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