I read a joke in a newspaper when I was in China last week. An 11-year-old boy asks his father: "Dad, where did I come from?"
"Your mother and I picked you up from a very special street," the father tells him in a serious voice.
Then the boy goes to his grandfather. "Grandpa, where did my father come from?"
"God knows your grandmother and I love children, so he sent an eagle to drop your father, your uncles and your aunt in front of our door, one by one, at different times," the grandfather says.
"But, why do all your children take after you, not God, and how could he remember to drop similar-looking children in front of your door when he must have been busy doing this all over the world?" The boy can't stop asking questions.
"Ah, but because he is God, he can manage it. Sorry, I have to go." And the grandfather rushes off.
A week later, the father checks his son's homework, which is about his family history: "It is very strange what happened in my family; I don't know why, but the previous two generations had no sex at all."
I laughed and laughed.
Sex was forbidden in Chinese culture after the beginning of the Song dynasty in the 10th century. We had had many books on the subject but they were treated as health handbooks for the rulers, and ordinary people were never allowed to read them.
Most Chinese still believe that thinking and talking about sex is "dirty and bad," even between married couples. For a thousand years, family, school and society have taught us to think like this.
Therefore many Chinese have grown up in total ignorance.
When I was interviewing women in China before 1997, I was told by vast numbers that they had tried to use plasters to stop the bleeding when they had their first period. Almost none of them said she was happy and excited at becoming sexually mature.
And I am not joking when I tell you that, even now, many university students believe babies come out of their mothers' belly buttons.
China started sex education in primary schools in 2002. I was curious to know who the first group of teachers would be. I was told that some were politics teachers -- that is very good, I thought, at least students won't take long to learn about sexual politics once they're teenagers. Some were sports teachers -- that is not bad either, I thought, I could see the link between sport and sexuality, and there's a poetic link in Chinese culture. But some teachers were made to do it as no one else would take the job.
At first, lessons were very embarrassing, with neither teachers nor students understanding the diplomatically chosen language. Then questions were taken home, but feedback from parents was furious -- how dare you teach my kid such a dirty lesson! Sexual hooligans!
To be honest, this is something that is hard for a middle-aged Chinese woman to feel relaxed and natural about overnight. My heart starts pumping and I go bright red when people mention sex during my public talks. So I can't believe that our charity, Mother's Bridge of Love, has decided to hold an art exhibition called "Walnut Series -- Sex in Chinese Culture."
Everybody was shocked when we first glimpsed the paintings of Chinese artist Xu Zhong'ou. He once taught in Maryland, US, where he would gather some of his students under a walnut tree. Whereas most food in Chinese art traditionally carries a symbolic meaning (peaches represent longevity, pine nuts fertility), the walnut appealed to him as a pure (qingbai) medium.
He encouraged his students to use the walnut as an unexplored source of artistic creation. This inspired him to produce his own representations of walnuts, in which he found an elusive expression of sexuality.
It was the Western volunteers who first pointed out: "Those paintings are so sexy!" At first, the young Chinese volunteers were too shocked to speak, until suddenly they became very open about sex.
I was quite worried about this un-Chinese title and asked the young Chinese volunteers if we should be leading people to see sex, even if it is infused with Chinese subtlety.
They shouted: "Come on, old Xinran, it is time for us Chinese to tell the West: We have a very rich sexual knowledge and strong human sensuality in our culture."
I know they must be right. Please go and have a look, I would love to hear your views. You can tell me at xinran@motherbridge.org.
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