In a consumer era which allows you to do almost everything by telephone except find a human being to help you, at least one brave man has decided he is not going to take it any more.
Paul English's moment of clarity came in March when he was being bounced around the automated "customer service" system of a mobile phone company.
"It was incredibly incompetent," English said. He was driven to fury by the customary line "your call is important to us," so often delivered to long suffering customers -- by a supposedly soothing robot.
"Yeah, your call is so important that I'm having a computer talk to you," he snorts.
So rather than pressing a key for more "options," or screaming into the telephonic abyss, English decided to get even.
He put up a "cheat sheet" on his Web site telling how to subvert the electronic defenses of dozens of big corporations and break through to a live person. If calling a well-known credit card company, for example, he advises you to, "Ignore prompts and invalid entry warnings, press #0 four times."
In the case of Ikea, the appropriate technique is "to hit 0 many times fast -- if you do it once, or too slow, it will repeat the menu."
For other companies the Web site provides the numbers of executives, leaked by insiders.
The cheat sheet has become a sensation, and made the author, who runs a budget travel Web site, an overnight hero of a frustrated age. He has been inundated with praise and, in a few cases, declarations of love.
"I'm just shocked at the attention this has got. It's now a media furore," English said.
Practising what he preaches, he picked up on the first ring. He believes voicemail wastes time.
The corporate response is still unclear. The cost-cutting advantages of automation are obvious, and companies have been trying to make their robot voices sound friendlier and more responsive.
There are even experiments underway with "smart" systems with "emotion detection technology" programmed to respond to loud swearing by transferring you to a representative.
English is unconvinced. "I'm cynical," he said. "I think it is a bunch of hogwash.
He believes there is so no substitute for a live, listening human being.
"It's a foolish mistake to try to save a few pennies but piss off your customers," he said.
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