This year gave us a "gate of fire," as Kofi Annan so eloquently put it when he accepted his Nobel earlier this month. But 2001 was made of more than tragedy, let us not forget.
We no longer have to take the apostles of the new economy the least bit seriously. (And we no longer have to capitalize the phrase.) The nattering nabobs of neoliberalism and their extremist views may now be held to account in the court of reason; their zenith seems at last to have passed.
Much to contemplate, then, as 2002 arrives. And to aid our year-end deliberations, we are pleased to announce the first Asia-Pacific Angst and Pathos awards.
These are named, of course, for that colorful Southeast Asian bird, the nearly extinct apap, noted for its toucan-like beak and its rare capacity for original thinking. And they're brought to you this year by two proud sponsors: the Association of Retired Enron Chief Executives ("We bring bad ideas to their logical extreme") and the Hainan Tourist Authority ("Drop in any time, and don't forget our American plan").
Let us begin in the foreign affairs category. Our first award is the George W. Bush Prize for destructive diplomacy, and it goes to ... George W. Bush, who took less than a day last March to derail the advance of detente on the Korean peninsula and make sure the Cold War goes on. To the president, a leaden apap and a scale replica of the 38th parallel.
Our silver award in this category goes to Chen Shui-bian (
Two prizes in the political category. The Fred Astaire Award for dexterity and sheer entertainment in a public place goes to ... the envelope, please ... Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi. Such commotion and (only apparent) motion, Mr. Prime Minister, such artistry -- all for the sake of the show. To you, a Teflon apap and this pair of patent leather tap shoes.
Next is the Bill Clinton Prize for unrealized promise. Hotly competitive, this one, as it always and ever will be. But it was a cakewalk this year for ... Indonesia's former president, Abdurrahman Wahid. To His Erstwhile Excellency, an apap ice carving and a plane ticket to the irrelevant capital of his choice -- valid only in a moment of crisis, of course.
We move now to the corporate category. The Mahathir bin Mohamad White Elephant Award goes to -- ah, a collective winner -- Enron International for the mess it will now leave behind at India's Dabhol Power Co. Here to present this award, a bundle of rupees shaped like an apap, is a former American ambassador to New Delhi who declines to be identified. And here to accept it is ... well, we're still waiting for someone to show up.
The George Tan award for resume-padding and all-around misrepresentation of reality goes to Richard Li of Pacific Century Cyberworks. To Mr. Li, an apap fashioned of plastic flowers, a house in Hong Kong's Peak district he can't afford to occupy, and an honorary certificate of attendance at the Northwest Connecticut Community College. It's a fine start, Ricky.
RSS